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Archive for the tag “robin seymour”

03 Nov 2012
4 Comments

Sheep in Wolves Clothing…

Sheep on Wolves Clothing…

Stepford Sheep or Stepford Wolves, they are all… Stepford People… Truly they are all just one in the same… Individuals who want to have the appearance of a perfect life, marriage, job and looks… They eagerly follow the leader of the Perfect Pack… as none of them want to think for themselves and be separated from the pack…  They yearn to be just like everyone else, think like everyone else and look like everyone else…  Wanting only to be perfect and more importantly they want you to be just as perfect and to join their herd…

You see them everywhere you look and they are all around you; they are milling about, fixing their hair, straightening their ties, shifting their skirts and checking any mirror they pass to make sure they are still just as perfect…  They may look perfect, however you can see right past and through them… not even catching your attention… They so much want to just be noticed by you and others, to just stand out amongst everyone else around them, however, sadly, they only simply just blend in with the back ground that surround them… There is nothing about them that is special at all… Too bad, so sad, all that money, all that following, all that perfectness, beauty and status and yet they really are just only a bunch of  nothings…

It never ceases to amaze me how important it is for this group of individuals to be noticed and to stand out above of the rest of us while forming their own secret sect;  I am all too shocked at the needs of this group to be recognized, to be something they are not and more so, can and never will be…  Who are these people and why are they are here?  What insecurity was instilled into them to create this need to be perfect…  Is it so important to be like everyone else?  To look like everyone else?  To dress like everyone else?   Must they all drive the same cars, live in houses that they only to tell them apart, in their gated communities, is simply by the numbers on the fronts of their homes…  As nothing else sets them apart, the last thing they want is to be the black sheep of the flock…  How horrible that would be…  Being the Black Sheep to this group would cause one to ostracized and shunned forever… this group can not sustain itself with those who seek individuality, as this group works diligently at squashing and shunning the dreamers and seekers of what else is out there besides a life of conformity…

If being someone who is  seeking to learn more about life, dreams and possibilities of what one can do, means you are a non conformist to the Perfects Sect and that you will be shunned, then I shall take a pass at the “Stepford Lies Club” and instead continue moving towards being my own individual and follow my own lead and no one else s… as I am not nor would I ever want be a part of the Perfect Pack…  wolves or sheep’s, all the same and I will take a pass on this group, sect and herd… I would prefer to be a Baa Baa Black Sheep Baby…

Ciao Bella… Sarah B…

Woke up this morning with clarity…

Posted in comedy, satire, non pc, humor, satire, wtf, comedy,, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments
30 Sep 2012
2 Comments

Happy Birthday To Me… Happy Birthday To Me???

Joy oh Joy… the joyous gifts that we as women are given on our birthdays…  You know what birthday I mean, correct, the one that start the next cycle of our lives… oh what a fun journey this next cycle will be… Humph!!!

I guess using the term, gift and cycle in the same paragraph is miss leading, on this birthday, my cycle decided to give me a little more than normal, it decided to hang around awhile, hmmm, I muttered to myself… well that is odd, haven’t had this issue before, in the back of my mind, I was in denial as to what this could potentially mean, perhaps, I am just having an odd month, you know, lots of stress, maybe not enough exercise or better yet, I decided it was from not enough sex… determining this to be the case, I made mental note to attack my other half upon the moment he entered the door when he came home…  that would fix this extra birthday gift and make it go away…

After repeatedly using this approach, one evening, while dozing, I began to notice that the room had become extremely…shall we say… a freaking blazing inferno….oh my freaking god… Please get this sea of blankets off of me know… I struggle to get my leg out of the blanket all while managing to piss off our cat at the foot of the bed, begrudgingly, he spat at me, showing me his annoyance and he moved over to my husbands side of the bed, what the hell…  did we leave the heat on ultra high before going to bed earlier, I struggled to remember, no, I know we didn’t, wow…one let out is not going to do the trick, I wondered what I was thinking when I wore a tee shirt and sleeping bottoms, they were now stuck to me, a bit damp I was… second leg out… what is that trickling between my breast is that water???  Did the cat piss on me because I woke him up… now struggling to fully waken myself, I see the fur ball snuggled close to my husband, he has not pissed on me, why am I wet???  Crap… I am freaking burning up, my hair is damp… I toss all the covers fully off of me, throwing them onto my husband, I am sure I have fever and to have one this high, I must be close to death… surely there is no other reason to be this warm…  do I have food poisoning???  Why am I sweating…   crap… I began to realize I am cold… damn, give me those covers back and I want them now… I grab them off my husband and take a few of his at the same time… I prepare myself for a bad case of the flue tomorrow morning, because I know to have this type of fever, means that I will be hugging the porcelain bowl and not want to be far from it, I am sure of this…  I doze and go back to a sound sleep, when I wake, I am fine, other than when I went to bed, I had straight hair and in my rage of sweat, I must have gotten my hair wet and it is now curly and fuzzy… nice, what a beauty I am as I look in the mirror…  funny though I don’t feel sick…

It was 3 nights later, I repeated this pattern and after a few more weeks of the on and off switch with my body’s thermostat, I began to self diagnose, because somewhere in the back of my mind…  a little voice was saying… you know, that was a very significant number you just hit on your birthday… right???

About 2 months later as I was at work, I was talking to a co worker, while sitting at my desk, I began to notice that I was starting to get hot, the hair on the back of my neck felt like a heavy wool coat!!!  I looked at my co worker as I began to feel like perspiration on my upper lip… I asked him the only thing I could think of… is it HOT in here…. Or it is just me???  He looks at me and says nope, it is actually a bit cool in here today… Damn… I was so afraid that is what he would say…  shall we say going forward, for the next 2 months, I learned to dress in layers in the dead of winter and a pony tail became my hair style of choice, I began to understand why so many women as they got older chose short  hair…   I began to wonder if maybe, just maybe I could possibly, you know.. Me entering.. that M stage of my life…  This would require research…

With Google as a girl’s best friend and my husband asleep, I crept to our home office and plugged in the M word in search bar… I read all about it, when it starts, what the symptoms were.. fuck.. I had almost all of them… denial has been my friend, years of taking care of my body, eating healthy, exercising… and it has betrayed me… damn body, in my mind that meant I could betray it back… I lay in bed, partially covered prepared for the heat wave, one leg out, our cat had learned it was safer to sleep next to my husband than potentially risk being kicked awake every few nights… I decided I would sleep on it…

In the morning, I went to the health food store and bought all the natural remedies I could find… after 3 weeks, I realized I had just simply donated hard earned money and still continued to dress in layers and had now resorted to 2 fans on the side of my bed… it became all too clear… it was time to see a DR… it had been a few years, kids were grown.. life was full, so hadn’t taken the time to visit the lay down and spread em doctor…

When I called to make an appointment, I found she had moved to a new state… they said they would set me up with a new DR, a male doctor… I said no thank you, I didn’t want to explain this man… how would he understand…  So, I did the next best thing.. I went to my girlfriend, who was a few years older than myself…  I met her for wine and we talked and I explained the past several months’ events and she was all to sympathetic, letting me know that her time has started a few years ago.. she had opted for the natural way though and could not refer me to a doctor… was she fucking nuts… who would opt for natural when after I realized my natural approach didn’t work, I had crept back to the office one night and with google as my friend and no longer in denial, I searched.. .menopause and how the fuck to make the symptoms go away…

She offered to ask several of her girlfriends for a referral for me… I thanked her and we finished our girls catch up time and wine and we headed our separate ways for the evening… As I got to the work the next morning, I turned on my computer and went to check my email and true to form, my friend had sent out an email that read…  My first and last name has started having hot flashes and is looking for a gynecologist can anyone refer her to one… now everyone knew… I didn’t know to say… so I closed my email… put my hair in a ponytail, removed my first layer… and went to work.. at lunch I opened back up my email and there we numerous emails from friends of our age group that had replied with referrals and shared stories of misery that made me laugh… seems I was not alone in this and that I had entered a new cycle of my life with this birthday that brought me to a new sisterhood, an odd way to bond, but a nice way to start a new chapter… next week, I shall meet my new DR that is referred by many of the women on the email chain and if this DR knows what is good for her and she wants to leave the office in one piece, I will leave her office with a prescription to make me go back to normal…  Happy Birthday to me…

Ciao Bella… a Pissed Off Sarah…

Posted in aging, comedy, satire, non pc, humor, satire, wtf, comedy,, menopause, Uncategorized, wine and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments
20 Sep 2012

Servicing The Customer…

Customer service or servicing the customer… what is the difference…. Well for starters, the customer is the reason why we get up, get our asses dressed and down some caffeine and aspirin all at the same time, look in the mirror… throw some paint on or comb the hair over the spot that seems to be growing on top and say to ourselves… It’s show time folks… with that over eager look of hope…

Upon starting your day and by your third customer, you begin to realize that you can give all the customer service you want… but it is apparent that the customers want more, they want you to give them customer service and pay them for you give it to them… in addition, perhaps you can shine their shoes, carry their purse while they shop, hell, they will just give you the list of what they want, ask you to pour them a drink of top shelf adult beverage, request you pay the tab for the drink and do their shopping while they put their feet up and rest a bit…

When all is done, they will write a scathing complaint letter to your boss about how you didn’t look them in the eye, didn’t smile quite enough times and offended them because the drink you bought for them, wasn’t as strong as they felt it should have been… or my favorite, too strong and they got a ticket driving home and expect you to pay…

Today, we are taught to give good customer service, but we as customers have forgot how to be good customers, with stores fighting for our market share we have become arrogant and rude, intolerant to the person who is attempting to help you while at the checkout counter, or answer your questions at customer service… we as customers, have become spoiled children like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory who wants it all now and doesn’t care who she yells at to get it… this is us… this is today’s customer…

When you shop today… who will you be… today’s customer or …

Ciao… Sarah B

 

Posted in comedy, satire, non pc, humor, satire, wtf, comedy, and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment
01 Mar 2012
4 Comments

It Soothes… It Heals… It Protects!!!

 

It Soothes, It Heals, It Protects!!!  It warms you up at night, it take the chill out of your bones…  It has the capability to brighten your day at it’s worse moment, it can make you forget about the asshole that just cut you off on the freeway in his super spendy car with the all-knowing, telling look at me emblem blazing on the front of the hood screaming… look at me… look at me…. I am driving my penis compensator…  It has the ability to make you more friendly and will bring a smile to your face quicker than anything else…  If it has the potential to do all of these things, then why on earth is it so difficult to come by????  It’s like pulling freaking teeth…  Like going to a dreaded Dentist appointment, far worse than a night over at your in-laws and worse yet time with your ex…  Hell for some of us we would prefer to have dinner with our worst enemy or our most recent ex lover… or morning gasp and wake up in sheer panic call… as we roll over to see we are not alone…

One thing for sure is that we will go out of our way to avoid it, to give  in and to act on upon it….  We suck allot…  I know I do and I don’t mean in a way that can make my other half smile and bargain with you for next round…   but we really suck, we are cold, self-absorbed and our vision continues to become more and more tunneled…  to the point where we can barely see 3 feet in front of us…  We lose all our peripheral vision…  worst of all, we do this on purpose…  We choose this route and we have chosen to be loners on an island, alone at work or  in the coffee line, we will not say bless you when some one sneezes, only we turn a deaf ear and pretend not to hear… Instead we will make feigned attempts to help someone in front of us that falls or drops something, only to delay long enough for them to pick up themselves… all with a phony smile of sincerity on our faces… We take our time so as not really have to act out and follow through or extend ourselves…

What could or would Sooth, Heal and Protect and warm you to the very core of yourself…  It is several very simple answers… It would be to see or give a genuine smile, to say thank you and really mean it, to give up your seat so someone older and more tired can take your seat,  to allow someone who has one item in the grocery line while you have 20 to go ahead of you…  When someone is short for their cup of coffee in front of you to offer to pick up the difference or better yet the tab… to pay for the coffee behind you in the drive thru…  To take time to stop and help someone up…   Or to give to someone in need and not judge them or expect anything in return…   We are all guilty of the things that make us suck…   Me included…  I am terrible about judging people by their hair, clothes, the car they drive… I am notorious for judging them more if they dress nicer or drive nicer vehicles or if they have nice jewelry than if they do not….  It is  certainly not an intentional thing most of us do, it is just simply something we are programmed to do from birth… to judge and to feel superior…  when in fact, we are truly equal…

Today, I shall  make a sincere attempt to tuck away my crassness and my satire, I will keep my grinch and bitchy katty  comments to myself and focus on my day ahead and what good things I need to accomplish and how I will do this…  For tomorrow… I can make no promises…   I may have a shitty day and some asshole in fancy car with a nice fancy emblem and slicked back hair may cut me off on my way to my meetings and tomorrows comments may be totally different… after all.. .we are programmed to also let our immediate reactions effect our moods… can you guess what kind of day I had?

Ciao Sunshine…  don’t do anything I wouldn’t do or at least get caught at…   cuz this is really all just a line of bullshit baby…  Did you buy into it???

Sarah B

Artist Gregory Hergert

Posted in comedy, satire, non pc, humor, satire, wtf, comedy,, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments
16 Jul 2011

Drunk Monkeys and Fruit Flies…

Oh yeah Baby… that caught your attention didn’t it… I mean really… What on earth do “Drunk Monkeys and Fruit Flies” have in common?  I know you are wondering, questioning, thinking… pondering… fondling… wait that is another blog to be written about later… Oh sugar, let me tell you… they got a whole lot more in common than we could ever imagine…

Sweetie pie… sugar muffin…  lover lips…  gooey bear… or as a friend of my is known to say… gooey duck… Well now, have you gagged yet… I have just typing that shit and it made me wanna hurl…  that is what Sarah likes to call the cooing of a “Drunk Monkey”… I mean really, who the fuck talks that way… let alone when trying to pick up on someone… sitting down starting to have a decent conversation, add a few adult beverages to the table, of course ordered by the monkey itself, well on the way to being a drunk monkey…  It starts off well enough, he is decent looking,  dressed OK, has most of his hair, no ring on his finger…  you zero in on him… thinking, damn girlfriend, this could be your lucky night to score a good one…

The monkey makes his way up to you… you tuck your muffin top down as far as you can beneath the table top… you tug a the 2 sizes v neck shirt you have on to pull the “V” down to show off the girls… ahhh… those girls, what they wouldn’t give for a little action this evening… the monkey spots those girls… the big long wide ass cleavage bigger than an ass crack… how can he resist… he can’t, he staggers over to your table… Belt buckle all big and shiny… his pants so snug you can see the outline of the money clip in his pocket… however you are thinking to yourself…  I hope that is a money clip and not something else… you can’t take your eyes of it as he slowly, ever so slowly due to the few “cocktails” he has already had before spotting your ass crack above below your chin… wait, I am sorry, that is your cleavage and those are your girls… fuck, I will get it right… hard to tell the difference!

Now, you and he are engrossed in an in-depth conversation about the increase in the park rent where his single wide currently sits and him sharing his dream with you of moving it to some land and having some …. uh, what are those things called… oh yeah, some pigs and chickens… OMG… you are thinking, this could be the one, the night you meet the perfect one for you… you have always wanted some of those wild things in your yard for your kids to chase… OMG… better suck that muffin top in some more and now you are just resting the girls on the table, the ass crack is there for him and the rest of the bar to see…. after round 5… the monkey now on his way to being a total drunk ass monkey makes his move and reaches over and swallows your face… you are in heaven…  you let him know you want to see that single wide…  he is happy to obliged…

You both get up and you realize it may be best if you drive… he is a bit wobbly… to your Plymouth Duster you go… the nice orange one with bad breaks… the two of you… climb inside, he begins to wash your whole face with a big ass wet nasty kiss… you get that special tingle… in your little boxaroo… tonight is gonna be your night babycakes… he is telling you… sugar muffin, I am going to bury myself in those girls… you are so excited you can’t put the car in gear fast enough…

You drive to his place, getting lost 2 times because his shots of shitty ass black velvet are kicking in high gear, finally, you reach is tin tee pee, you are so excited… he opens the door and falls out of the car…you race to his side to pick him up, he falls face first in your ass crack… I mean the girls… shit, I can’t tell the difference… this makes you tingle some more… in the trailer you go… you let him lead you to his crushed velvet headboard and bed… you are so excited, you both undress… you toss yourself on the bed and he falls forward onto you… telling you he is gonna give you the … the… he is silent… you ask him…. what lover boy, what are you gonna give me… lover boy…what???  All you hear is snoring… No… No… this can’t be… this was the night, the night you were gonna give it up…the night you were gonna get rid of the fruit flies from that dried up thing… you been saving for the one…  Instead…  you are left with a Drunk Monkey and you still got your fruit flies…

Yowza baby girl… Sarah Says to fork up some cash and paid to get that thing serviced…

Ciao… Sarah B… who ain’t got no fruit flies buzzing around her…

Posted in comedy, satire, non pc, humor, satire, wtf, comedy,, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
02 Feb 2010
11 Comments

It’s not what you know… but who you blow Baby!!!

There is an old saying in life… that often more times than not, it isn’t what you know that will get you ahead in life… but who you blow baby…  Ahh… did your mind just creep back down to the gutter when you read that first sentence???  You and I both know that it really never left the gutter…  Simply just reading that peaked your curiosity enough to urge your sleepy little peanut head to perk up…  Not that peanut head silly… that will be a blog for a different day…  that blog may get one or two minutes of my time in the future… or maybe not…   This is about how people feel the need to get ahead in life and work at any expense and absolutely no care to others around them or whom they step on or over to get to what they think is the golden apple… That sweet spot of success that many feel will give them purpose in life…

The worst of these are both men and women whom in business and life… set their sights on a goal and only know ”one” way to achieve that goal… to lay down and spread em wide open or hop on and take a ride… those whom do this to achieve what they want are the amongst the most cunning and yet the most stupid around… Yes… you can sleep or blow your way to a new job or a new relationship… but you lack the substance behind it to keep it…  Once the shine wears off your little rosy cheeks… you bring nothing to either the business world or as a partner into a relationship… you have built your world around a house of sugar and spice and eventually the rain will come and melt everything away you have worked so hard with to get, not your brain,  but you chose to use your body to achieve…  However, the road back down is a hard one to swallow… as you must fall past the ones you “blew” over to get what you thought you had to have…  You made no friends getting there, so you have none on your way down… You have made a cold bed and must lie in it…  until you find the next opportunity that it is… and you will because all you know…  is how to “Blow”…

The other group that can be even more annoying, are those whom “Blow” by different means…  They are smart and cunning… and have mastered the art of manipulation on both a business and Blow...Blow... Away Babypersonal level…  They specialize in “Blowing Smoke”… up your ass to get what they want and thing they need and have no regrets or guilt about their actions… in their own little world… You are a tool and a pawn that allows them to reach the next pinnacle of success in their warped minds… These individuals are masters at beings wolves in Sheeps clothing and often it takes years to uncover or clear the “Smoke” they blew to get what they wanted…  But, the smoke does at some point clear away when a strong breeze kicks up and begins to uncover things that have been a bit hazy for those around them for a few years or even decades…  These individuals eventually end up below poverty level, with no family and or friends… yet do not recognize this as they live in a perpetual state of fog from all the years of blowing smoke to get ahead… they can not see clearly and will never accept their accountability for their actions…  They will spend all their days trying to restart the fire to get smoke going again… If you happen to find em and throw water on them… or stay upwind of these individuals…  they are a bad lot…

For the rest of us… it is about hard work, dedication and goals… set your goals far above the “Blowing” level and you will achieve far greater success in life no matter if you have nothing to your name more than these two types above…  in Sarah’s world… blowing is for candles and behind closed doors only…  If you choose to blow your way up baby… it will catch up to up you if you aren’t careful… or even if  you are…  So I want to know if you have had experiences with those who blow or if you doing the blowing… please let me know…

Ciao Bella… Sarah B…

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , | 11 Comments

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