This Thong’s For You…

Never…. End of Blog…    Really, I am not kidding… the answer is Never… if you really have to ask or think about it… then let me tell you that you are truly unique and have no concept of comfort or looking at yourself in the mirror before leaving your house…   First off, lets start with what the fuck a “thong” is… It is a tiny piece of material for the back of your wide ass and an little tiny wider piece of material that is supposed to cover your “box”  “your bush”…”your little sweet spot”… or “your special button”… I can go on.. but I hope you got the point…

Let’s start with the part that goes on your ASS….  It doesn’t matter what type of ass you have… let’s think about this together…  You are putting on a pair of undies… or shall we say a “Thong” that the piece going up the back of your ass is as wide a band aid at best…  but it gets better… it gets wider at the top… Why???  Is it going to keep the tops of your buttocks warm???  It is a fashion statement that it rides to the top of your hips and pants today ride below them.. so we get a full on visual when you bend over of your “hot pink” buttock warmers.. climbing out the top of your jeans that are gapping in the back as you bend over and we can see the piece of “hot pink” material disappearing in what is assumed to be your Crack.. yes.. I said your Crack.. you crack head… why???  Does it “feel normal for you to have some dental floss grinding away all day long at the insides of your cheeks….  maybe it is your way of getting a dental floss wax job on the inside of your crack as it friction is slowly rubbing off the hair on your ass… Oh please… all of ya got it unless you actually shave the inside of your cheeks and that is just way too much information… So, now I have been told that you “Get Used To It”… OK, I can get used to a lot of things… I suppose you are right… I can get used to alot of things… Typically though when I am “having” to get used to something… It is because I HAVE NO OPTIONS…. not because I am into self torture…  so getting used to it… Nah, I will pass… and I am ok without my hips showing out the tops of my pants with my buttocks warmer sticking out of the tops and you looking to see where the material disappears ….

Now let’s talk about the ‘button” warmer…  OMG… please come on… the dental floss crawling up your ass is nothing to this piece of material that is so narrow for the front part that it can’t decide if it is going to “sit” firmly in the center of your “box”… ride to the left and expose and right lip or ride to the right and expose the left…  Hell it gets worse… wear jeans that are just a bit too snug and it will crawl off both lips baby and wrap itself firmly around your little button giving you the image – visual of camel toe… and a few other things a bit to  hairy and hanging out on each side that I think you have the idea of where I am going…. but Oh Wait… I will get used to it!!!  Why the fuck would I want too???  Cuz I have a hot date later and I know I am going to be getting lucky and when I pull my jeans down.. with his help… I have a lip hanging out… a button all wadded up and I need to peel the dental floss out of my crack because it is stuck to the back of my ass from not doing such a good job of wiping all day long…  Yep… I will get used to it all right…

Thongs are meant for those who think they are “something” they are not.. 18 year olds and strippers… The last time I checked and looked all ALL my girly friends… none of you fit that group and none of you should be wearing a thong… sister… embrace your ass and body and dress for comfort and not to please someone who is only going to take them down faster than you could get them on as you can’t figure out what way is the front and what way is the back… LOL… so just get the fuck over yourself sister… you don’t need a thong to be a hot mama… Real Women “Don’t” wear thongs!!!

Ciao… Sarah B…


  1. Valarie · October 12, 2009

    Well you said that well! I can not stand seeing a girl (whom thinks she hot shit) and is wearing her jeans with her thong straps showing on the sides of her hips… how white trash is that!
    If you don’t wanna cover your ass, then please ladies… don’t wear any panties at all!!

  2. Seymour Robin · October 12, 2009

    You said it sister!! Either go free or get a clue! Sarah…

  3. Barney-J · October 12, 2009

    ohh, thats what that is called. I thought it was just colored T.P hangin out of those asses. :). Get used to that thought!

  4. Seymour Robin · October 12, 2009

    Yes… and I want to know where the buy T.P. in such bright colors and why they haven’t figured out how to wipe thoroughly and deposit it when done!

  5. The Ball Brothers · October 12, 2009

    Well, thanks, Sarah for the PhD in Anatomy. Where do we pick up our certificate? We noticed you even left the thong out of your headline word “should”. Normally, the thong would go between the u and the d, but it must have slipped into the crack in the u. That just proves you’re correct about the dam things. Even words shouldn’t wear them!

  6. Seymour Robin · October 12, 2009

    BB my Baby…My point exactly!!! When Men take to wearing thongs… and letting them slip in and out of the crevices.. then we shall be on equal terms.. Ciao…

  7. The Ball Brothers · October 12, 2009

    We were going to start wearing one tomorrow but you’ve convinced us otherwise. Thanks for saving us a really bad experience.

  8. Amy · October 12, 2009

    ….while standing and adjusting my “strap”….
    No that extra piece of cloth is to keep your tailbone under cover, you know just in case there is a horrible accident and you have to use it AS a bandaid….
    I could of gone without the blow by blow description of the places the thong likes to travel…LMFAO …..memories of the way we were…..
    It brought back images of my not so better fashion days….ROTF

  9. Seymour Robin · October 12, 2009

    Sister.. sister…. please tell me….those days are LONG gone for you…. Sarah..

  10. Crazy Dad · October 13, 2009

    Well thongs have now become un-mysterious to me and also unattractive thank you so much Sarah, you bitch! Love you!

  11. Seymour Robin · October 13, 2009

    Did you think we were all “fluff” down there sweetheart!! 😉 Wait till I talk about Boob Jam….. Love you too kiddo!!

  12. Barney-J · October 13, 2009

    I think I will just stick woth the thong between my toes! Not that my toes are much sexier than the crack of my ass. But definately after all the information, sounds like it will keep me from lots of squirming, pulling and picking! 🙂 They also come in bright colors!!!

  13. Seymour Robin · October 14, 2009

    Oh honey…honey…honey….didn’t your mama ever teach you how to wear a thong??? It isn’t about Toe Jam Sweetie… it is about Ass Crack… if you need more directons on where to place your thong.. please let me know… However.. I think we are on to something for the next topic… “Flip FLops Are Just Wrong!!” Sarah B….

  14. Yolanda · October 14, 2009

    Oh my god. I am cracking up at my desk. This is so true and so me. I use them for no panty lines. I am a big girl. I totally lose them in my crack for sure.

    Great stuff. Keep it coming.

  15. Seymour Robin · October 14, 2009

    Missy… missy.. we gotta talk! No cracker jack ass for you!!! Sarah B….

  16. Corie · October 14, 2009

    Commando is the only way my sister 🙂

  17. Seymour Robin · October 15, 2009

    Commando…my sweet sister… free for all.. under the table.. what time is dinner?? Ciao.. Baby Cakes… Sarah B…

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