Tick Tock… Tick Tock… Can you feel it???  Can you hear it???   Did you survive the violence of Black Friday???  No cap in your ass, no one stepped over you to get the best bargain as you gasped your last breath at Target???  Were you mugged leaving WalMart at 1 am with your X-box???….If you are reading then then you must be ready to run the other way as fast as you can???  Back to June, May or March???  Anything but the fucking looming “Holiday Season” that over the past few decades have started the “shoving down your throat or up your ass”  a day earlier every year…  This year it started on November 1st… .but the stores were beaming with pride mid October with Holiday decorations… Christmas candy out at the same time as Halloween….

In fact, I am not even sure they waited till midnight on Halloween to start the ads on TV… the relentless, shameless ads promoting that the only way to have a great Holiday or to be a great Parent, Spouse etc… was to “spend…spend and oh yeah baby… spend”!!!   Hell honey, someone’s gotta do it for this upcoming Holiday Season and do their freaking part to save the economy….LOL!!! … Bullshit!!!  Media hype and propaganda telling us… programming us to do what they want us to do… not what we should really do…  Last time I checked… Holidays had nothing to do with spending or shopping…

How many days left?  I can’t remember if we even had Thanks Giving yet or not???  Oh yes we did, while eating a rushed dinner, you scurried out the door leaving your Turkey carcass’s and left over pumpkin pie on the table so you could grab your ads and rush to stand in line for the midnight madness….. Well it seems the stores can’t remember that either…  so don’t feel bad and don’t feel bad about stepping over the man at Target either…

However…as you shop in the grocery store for your goodies… you can sing to “Deck the Halls”  Guess we shall just start by-passing the  Ole Turkey day Holiday and move straight into “Retail Hell”…  Oops, I meant to say Christmas…  Let’s talk Sweetie….You do remember Christmas don’t you…  I mean how can you ever forget???  It is shoved pretty much down our throats and up our asses from October 1st to December 25th… now some stores are even open on Christmas so you can truly feel that you that you will want to shoot yourself for standing in line for 7 hours in the freezing cold to get that what was supposed to be, the rock bottom price, on that item that you have heard non fucking stop about for months and months and that if you didn’t get it for them FOR Christmas morning or the world would come to an end and your guilt would eat you alive…  Dirty Bastards… and your sorry ass fell for it… “Sucker”…

Well, now, if you can wait till December 25th , you can find that item on sale for 25% less or possibly more had you just waited one more day baby…  Shit…that sounds like a great idea… Let’s have Christmas on December 27th…the day after you return everything you didn’t want and the other shit that didn’t sell that is now 75% off… they didn’t like what you gave them???  Too bad… you gotta great deal and they look stunning in Orange with Yellow stripes… oops… I have digressed… Now, back to today’s struggling wonderful economy and what I was talking about… that extra 25% savings  ( or 75% if we veto Christmas till the 27th, that would have paid for the dinner you are fixing for your family to arrive that will only stay long enough to give you the quick hug, kiss, your house looks great, not that they really give a shit… they are only interested in the tree and what is under it with their name on it…  Hello…  Look at all those presents under the tree, they want to know which ones are theirs???   Sure, let’s open now and “then” eat, because we know they all have other places to go to and other gifts to collect.. ungrateful bastards… however it is your own fault… you created the little and not so little monsters… now you must live or deal with them…  Ahh… finally they are gone, the house is totally destroyed, the food devoured and not a morsel for a mouse… the plates left in the sink, of course… the fireplace overflowing with boxes and paper to be burned and the cat is now hiding behind the once beautifully decorated tree,  due to the small children trying to stick a bow on top of his head… vile little creatures that they are… the children, not that cat!!!  The cat, now in retaliation for this event,  shall first cough up a large wet hairball on our pillow  of course then lift his tail and spray all over your tree and of course the string of lights within it’s reach…   Ahhh…the holidays… how soon they approach… Are you ready???   Tick Tock… Tick Tock… sounds kind of like an Alfred Hitchcock event coming up… maybe it is…

May you have your Valium, wine, JD or Vice of choice baby, close by to survive the next 12 miserable  guilt and pressure filled days to please everyone who will not remember the day after…

Ciao baby… Remember it isn’t about You… But what “everyone” expects from You!!!

Sarah B the Grinch