Why We Need Duct Tape… Important!!!


As all of us poor “white, ghetto & whatever else for you happen to be of…trash”… are familiar with it what it is like to have to be creative in making things work… It isn’t like we can all whip out our credit cards and go buy whatever the fuck we want…  I mean, really…. Not like they are gonna give one to me or to anyone I associate with… Honey…. last time I checked, I am pretty sure…  my credit is so fucking special that I am what is considered to be a “credit criminal”… No.. you moron, not like someone who goes out and steals ID’s… but more like someone who says “sucker” to the dumb ass credit card agency that was stupid enough to send me an actual card… and actually think I am gonna pay them back…  WTF are they thinking…. didn’t they pull my credit report before sending it to me…. Hey… in my opinion, my credit report is “full disclosure” that I do not and have never had any intentions of ever repaying any “credit” that some dumb ass sucker chose to gave to me…   It isn’t like I can hide my credit past… I am simply “using” the gift presented to me…

Then comes reality….  Ah.. something just broke and I can’t go to the store and pick up a new one, a part of a new one or even a take something back to get a new one.. Hell no…  all I got to my name is $3….. We know I gotta save $2 bucks for $2 Buck Chuck…. those of you whom may not have a “Trader Joes”… that is where I can go buy a bottle of a step above the ghetto negro cat white wine and the cost is $2 Bucks…So, this leaves me$1 freaking dollar to my name….  How can I fix what needs fixing with a buck???  Oh hell… come on… this is a damn recession…. where do you and every one else you know, shops at today…. either proudly or with dark glasses on and driving 20 miles out of their way to avoid being seen by the other snobs in their neighborhood…  Well sweet cheeks…. we shop at the freaking $1 Store of course…. You can find everything you need (except wine!!! ) at the dollar store… damn… why don’t they sell wine???

Now… I drive my lame ass to get my wine…  then I drive my ass quite proudly to the nearest dollar store by my Apartment… maybe not so much in pride as in the sheer lack of gas in my car…  remember…I am poor white trash…  (at least for this blog bella…) I haul my ass into the store… grab my little green hand basket… as though I am actually going to fill it up with dollar items… yeah right!!!!  I walk straight to the home improvement isle of the store… look… look again, damn it had better be here…  Ahhh… there it is… “Duct Tape”… the master of all repair materials…. I love my Duct Tape… I proudly walk to the cashier.. acting as though I have to search thru my wallet amongst all my large bills to find a dollar bill… you know baby, it is all about the “show” the “smoke”….the whatever…  Anyway, I buy my big gray roll of duct tape… Oooh Baby!!   I am gonna get back in my 1990’s Chrysler… K car…what color you ask???  White of course… and I am going to drive my white trash mobile to my apartment and I am gonna do some repairs…

First…  My damn dish washer wants to fall out when I open the door… Simple fix…. open door… take 4 long strips of tape and wrap them from the top of the counter to the inside of the top part of the dishwasher… Ahhh… fixed!  I am getting the sense that I could achieve a “semi” stainless look in my kitchen if I use enough of this magic fix all….Next… my vertical blinds… well… seems a few of them won’t stay in the clips…  simple … get up on a chair…. get a few small pieces of tape…. and wrap it around the top of the blind to the clip…. 2 down… how many more to go…. Lets go to the bathroom… the toilet paper roll has a messed up spring…. so it keeps popping out… ooh… this will be easy… tape it to the bar…. Ahhh… 3 down…  Microwave door handle keeps falling down… seems to have lost a fucking screw and I wish I could say I gotta a screw… I mean that I found the screw… but.. anyway… No screw…but you know what I got???  Duct tape… just tape that handle to the microwave and to really make sure it sticks make it go up and over the door…really feeling more like a modern kitchen with each repair…  Ahhh… 4 down…  Wait…  when I was driving home… I hate hearing the passenger side window rattle…the handle keeps jarring loose…. Yes, I said handle… this is a “K” car remember… with plush faded blue interior and a “bench” seat….  Ooh baby!!!  I am now gong to tape that damn handle into place and run the tape up the window!!!!  Mother won’t move now….  So…what else can I do… I am having issues with my bra… the wire keeps poking out…and this poor white trash can’t afford a new one this week… so… I think I will tape the wire securely in…  ( that was not such a great idea… in case it crosses your mind.. it itches!!!)  However in looking in the mirror as I was getting out of the shower yesterday morning…I noticed my pointers were starting to become setters and wondered if  maybe I should give some thought to giving myself a “duct tape” boob lift!!!

Duct Tape Baby….  Girls gotta have it… it is a fix all… it even keeps the bottom of that special toy together so the batteries don’t fall out…

Ciao Bella…. “White Trash” Sarah B…

(This is all made up except the battery part!!  LOL )

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8 comments

  1. The Ball Brothers · September 14, 2009

    We started a home business where we use duct tape for bikini waxes. You can also put some on the client’s mouth during the procedure. During a crash diet you can use it to hold your pants up until you are ready to go to the Dollar Store for a new, smaller suit. If you can’t find a baby-sitter, you can duct tape the baby to the wall. We agree…it is amazing stuff. Years ago I we just thought it was for wearing a cucumber to the Disco.

  2. Seymour Robin · September 14, 2009

    I think you have been poor white trash for quite some time now…and have fully mastered the use of “duct tape” you are my hero!!!! Sarah B…

  3. The Ball Brothers · September 14, 2009

    We are proud to be In Duct ed into the white trash hall of fame.

  4. Crazy Dad · September 15, 2009

    OMG! Love this one so funny

  5. Seymour Robin · September 15, 2009

    Duct Tape it all up Baby!!!

  6. Barney-J · September 15, 2009

    This was an awsome and educational blog Sarah. However wish you would have come to me for more white trash uses. My favorite…Need a brow wax/plucking? Duct tape baby! As usual, job completed and well done. And had the pleasure of looking in the mirror at the white trash actually doing this! 🙂

  7. Barney-J · September 15, 2009

    Oops ! Didnt see Ball brothers comment! Glad to see the white trash are ontop of things. LOL

  8. Seymour Robin · September 15, 2009

    Why Barney J…. I was wondering where you been… cuz I was feeling as though Miss Sarah needed just a bit more “white trash” element to add to her blogs… the Balls Brothers is good.. but not quite as good as what I remember my days with Barney J and the fun… white trash can have…. and not even know we are white trash.. bella…
    Ciao…

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