There is a lot of good  to be said for “silence”… not the kind of silence where you are curled up on the couch with a nice glass of wine and your favorite “foot – foot”snuggled up next to you… and you are reflecting on your day, the next sip of wine ( hell baby – whether or not to get up and “open” another bottle of wine …. cuz after all it is a school night!!!  Maybe you should hold it to 1 bottle of wine this evening…)  No, not that kind of silence…  Though who the hell wouldn’t want a night of peace and quiet like that…  But put away your fantasy thoughts and special toys and accept that those evenings are either far and few in between, things you hear about from your girly friends as they brag about their night alone or it is just an urban myth…  Based on the choices, I am shooting that those evenings are just an urban myth!!! One that is not meant for you or any of your girlfriends and those who talk about it…  Well.. they are just trying to cover up their lame lives and try add some spice to it to not only  make themselves feel better but to make themselves feel allot less pathetic about themselves…  Don’t they know as their friends, we would never really judge them???  LOL… Yeah right!!!  Going to Hell for that one baby….

No, that is not the type of silence I am talking about… Oh, HELL No!!! The type of silence I am talking about is the type where you are in the same room as someone you have know for a million years.. and you want to talk… you wait for them to to talk… you hold your breath in anticipation when you think they may start a conversation with you only to be let down once again..  You want to spew some shit outta your mouth… but you can’t, you won’t…  You can’t because of the silence… the deafening silence that is there…. taunting you… calling you… The earth shattering deafening silence… Why is that???   What is it and what causes it???  How do and can you stop it…. Shut it down and better yet, how do you shut up the fucking silence???  Yes, I said shut up… the deafening silence???  Silence as we know,  screams louder than any other noise and says more than anyone or any words can ever be said to you… You hear the silence clearer than any words you will ever hear…

You have come to accept that, it isn’t easy to shut up the silence; it is way more complicated  and complex than you think, realize and understand… but most importantly, you have to ask yourself… do you really want to stop the silence???   This “Golden Fucking Silence???  Are you OK with the deafening silence???  Is it so bad…. so loud that you can’t focus???  Have you adapted to the silence …. these are real things you have to ask yourself… has the silence become as comforting as the urban legend of the myth of the “foot – foot” curled up next to you on the sofa keeping your feet warm with her tail???  ( For those of you idiots whom do not know what a “foot-foot” is…  it is a pussy cat baby )  Once you start to ask those questions, then you must then accept that the silence has now become “Fucking Golden” and you wouldn’t and you won’t give it up for anything in the world… You have become adapted to the silence….  You find comfort in the silence, you find both refuge and safety… You are now a part of the silence… you have created and enabled it and more importantly…. you long for it… the silence is soothing… it is after all ” Fucking Golden”…. so sweet, yet bitter and yet so very quiet, comforting …. even though so deafening….

To talk to anyone at this point would be accepting accountability for the silence and the guilty pleasure you find in it… after all, there is something to be said about having a “foot-foot” curled up next to you keeping you warm and only listening to the soothing sounds of her purrs…   Silence is, can and will be so “Fucking Golden”… Enjoy it.. as one day, it will change and you will long for the silence… It really isn’t that bad baby…. enjoy and cherish it…  It shows the strength within yourself to not rely on anyone or anything but yourself and your own inner strength…

Ciao Bella…. Sarah B….