What’s Your Speed Limit…


Purr...My engine is all rev'd up!!!

Purr…My engine is all rev’d up!!!

So baby… what’s your speed limit???  Are you someone who drives slow and steady at 35 miles per hours… do you like the nice even pace of being middle of road, giving you ample time to avoid any road blocks ahead… foot steady on the gas pedal ready to brake at any moment???

Is your speed limit 35 but you like to drop down to 25 miles per hour… hang out in the really slow lane, looking for some excitement…ready to put your pedal down hard so you  can take off lightening fast… if someone in the 25 mile per hour lane catches up to you and sparks your attention???  Do you slow back down to let them catch up to you???  Gently tap your brake lights to get their attention… you all wanting to drive 35 but wanting to play in the 25 mile per hour lane…

If driving under the speed limit isn’t really your thing, are you someone who likes to chances and rev up your night and push full steam ahead and press your petal down hard and hit the fast lane, are you someone who loves to tempt fate and risk the twist and turns of the fast lane, lives to enjoy speeding up to the next stop sign, look around and see who is next to you… see if you can catch them as the race away… you and all your 35 mile per hour wanting to chase that 45 mile per hour person… you are ready for the chase and you to win the race…

Remember…whatever lane you choose to drive in… there are always gonna be some speed bumps ahead when you least expect it… ready to blow a tire… pop your airbags sooner than you expected…  whatever lane you like to drive or shall I say play in… remember slow it way down back baby… buckle up or as a wise ole gal I know says… you better click it or get a ticket… drive safe… stay in your own fucking lane…

Ciao Bella …  Sarah B… playing it safe at 35…

Where the hell is my driver???

Where the hell is my driver???

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Servicing The Customer…


Customer service or servicing the customer… what is the difference…. Well for starters, the customer is the reason why we get up, get our asses dressed and down some caffeine and aspirin all at the same time, look in the mirror… throw some paint on or comb the hair over the spot that seems to be growing on top and say to ourselves… It’s show time folks… with that over eager look of hope…

Upon starting your day and by your third customer, you begin to realize that you can give all the customer service you want… but it is apparent that the customers want more, they want you to give them customer service and pay them for you give it to them… in addition, perhaps you can shine their shoes, carry their purse while they shop, hell, they will just give you the list of what they want, ask you to pour them a drink of top shelf adult beverage, request you pay the tab for the drink and do their shopping while they put their feet up and rest a bit…

When all is done, they will write a scathing complaint letter to your boss about how you didn’t look them in the eye, didn’t smile quite enough times and offended them because the drink you bought for them, wasn’t as strong as they felt it should have been… or my favorite, too strong and they got a ticket driving home and expect you to pay…

Today, we are taught to give good customer service, but we as customers have forgot how to be good customers, with stores fighting for our market share we have become arrogant and rude, intolerant to the person who is attempting to help you while at the checkout counter, or answer your questions at customer service… we as customers, have become spoiled children like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory who wants it all now and doesn’t care who she yells at to get it… this is us… this is today’s customer…

When you shop today… who will you be… today’s customer or …

Ciao… Sarah B

 

Marvin…what are you thinking…


You know sometimes we have to wonder about Mr. Marvin…  Marvin sent over some ideas about all his wisdom’s, because he thinks he is all that and more… so SarahsViews decided to do a piece about it Marvin, calling it… Marvin’s wisdom’s with a Sarah Bite…  Please enjoy and if you have some wisdom to throw this direction, send em on over baby…  Here we go…

Marvin Says… Nothing sucks more than the moment during an argument when you realize you are wrong…   Sarah Says… WTF… You clearly haven’t picked the right topic.. Never argue about something until you know you got your own back and ass covered!  And you are NEVER wrong… haven’t you learned anything from reading Sarah…

Marvin Says…There is a GREAT need for a “sarcasm” font…  Sarah Say…  You think????  They call that Caps ON… Caps Off… Ever really use your crackberry closely or your laptop, or are you one of those who still type on all Caps???

Marvin Says… How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said???  Sarah Says…  You are just way to freaking nice… What???  WTF did you just say…. is more likely what would come flying out Sarah’s mouth …loudly!!!

Marvin Says…  Map Quest really needs to start their directions at #5…  I am pretty sure I know how to get out of my own freaking neighborhood…  Sarah Says… Map Quest is assuming that you had a wild night out, you drank some shots, you table danced and showed all the gals and fellas your hairy ass chest… before falling into your car and following someone you may or may not know home ( fuck, Marvin.. I really hope it was at least a Gal, Oh Marvin )…  Waking up in a strange bed… not knowing where you are…  seeing some hair peak out of the sheets next to you… clearly you are to afraid to lift them up to see who / what is under them… quietly picking up your own clothes, sneaking out the front door… turning on your Crack Berry and looking at the address on the house and street sign and Map Questing your drunk ass home to “SHOWER” and have some coffee…  So, Please… don’t blame map quest for your wild nights!  It can’t read your dumb ass mind…

Marvin Says…Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died…  Sarah Says…  Marvin, Marvin, Oh Marvin… Please get a life!!!  Do you really have so much extra time on your hands that you are reading the obituaries or are you on the hunt for a new gal and checking out the old dudes that clicked off so you can scope out a “sugar mama”…. HMMM…actually, that doesn’t sound like such a bad idea… Maybe, Sarah will start reading them too…

Marvin Says… I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower and THEN turn on the water…  Sarah Says…  This explains the true meaning of an “Innie”… Whew!!!  No wonder sex in the shower doesn’t really work all that well…

Marvin Says…It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood….  Sarah Says… You think???  WTF… But then, all those “anti” signs carriers hanging around out front would have to then change their signs and slogans and then… you know… it would upset the whole balance of being told you can or can not do something and well… We all know that it just won’t work… So let’s not fuck with what is already a fun topic to fuck with… cuz… then if we keep fucking …well… then you know; there will be this whole trip to Unplanned… and on and on… so, Sarah Says… let’s leave this whole topic alone…  No one will win this one…

Marvin Says…Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what to do with it… Sarah Says… UH… Uh… you are kidding right???   Go ask a 15 year old, give them a computer and let them go at it… they will educate your old ass and you are showing your age Sweetie…

Marvin Says…I hate it when I “just” miss a call on the last ring…. but when I immediately call back, it rings.. 9 times and then goes to voicemail… What do you after I don’t answer???  Drop the phone and run away???  Sarah Says….NO, Dumb Ass!!!  They are teaching you a lesson… You won’t answer their call…So, they are on to the next one who will pick up, cuz they are hungry, horny, she wants some wine and a really good time… So, Marvin.. you just got screwed outta getting screwed by being way to  slow on the pick up… Honey, you gotta step it up to “get it up” baby…  Meow…

Ciao Bella… Sarah B…

Who are we today… Lisa Bright or Lisa Dark???


You just gotta fucking love the mood swings of the average person that you interact with on a day to day basis, don’t you???  I mean really, isn’t it fun to go to work one morning and meet Lisa Bright and within 30 fucking stupid ass minutes… the ugly head of Lisa Dark appears???  Have you ever met Lisa Dark???  As  overheard a 5 year old  saying the other day while trying to lift something… Jesus H…before I shut him down..  However, he hit it right on the fucking head….Christ all mighty!!!!   Lisa Dark is a fucking pain in the ass… to me and anyone within 100 yards of them.

Lisa Dark can be in the middle of a fairly normal conversation… event… whatever and go from a “Happy Happy – Joy Joy” person to a raging “dick” or “bitch” in zero to 5.5 seconds and without cause or provocation.. I hate Lisa Dark… I don’t mean that I truly hate this individual.. but I hate how this person can ruin your day, ruin your week, make you feel like shit and be so totally completely self absorbed in themselves that they are totally unaware of the path of destruction they have just caused with a callous cruel unthinking cold ass remark or remarks… Often they feel they are typically superior to you or anyone you may be talking about or working with… Lisa Dark needs some fucking Prozac, Zoloft, Valium or any mother F’ng thing to pull their totally self absorbed head ouf of their ass and come back to earth and realize they are NOT the only person in the world…and honeslty sometimes, they just aren’t that special….  Ouch!!   They are not the only people dealing with drama, finances or life… They need to realize they have not been singled out as this particular moment in time and I really don’t want to hear about what a martyr they are…  Lisa Dark needs to go back under the red rock they crawled out from..  So, I can take a larger rock, place it on top and not allow this dreadfully miserable person to come back…

I want to deal with Lisa Bright…  However people whom allow Lisa Dark to come out, they hate Lisa Bright or the Lisa Brights of the world.. they hate them with every ounce of their beings… because they themselves are miserable people..   Lisa Bright confuse them.. even when they themselves are basically Lisa Brights… they don’t know how to handle an upbeat person or group of people whom find the positive in life even when life is at it’s worst… they do not like this… it is not in-balance with their self imposed pity party…   Lisa Brights.. instead look for good, seek good and focus on the  good.. They want to surround themselves with good and will go out of their way to do good for whomever they can, including the Lisa Darks of the world…

Oh Lisa Darks… if I could say anything to you.. it would be to open your eyes… open them wide, before it is too late.. before you push everyone and everything away… Oh Lisa Dark… what makes you so unhappy… that when you have happiness, you push hard to push it away to the point of making you and everyone that is around you miserable…   Please… Please… Put Lisa Dark away… it is only eating away at you for no reason… put it BACK under the rock it crawled out from…  You are a good person and you deserve to be a Lisa Bright and to surround yourself with others who want happiness, positives and who want to enjoy life… do not let the succubus of Lisa Dark or the Lisa Darks of the world ruin you and everything around you.. Let the light shine in… It may be be bright and  it really isn’t that bad and if it is a bit tough at first; then put on some fucking sun glasses… and get the fuck over it… because the rest of sure as hell are….

Lisa Bright…come out ….come out… wherever you are… we are waiting…

Ciao Bella Sarah B….

Lisa Dark Baby

This Thong’s For You…


Never…. End of Blog…    Really, I am not kidding… the answer is Never… if you really have to ask or think about it… then let me tell you that you are truly unique and have no concept of comfort or looking at yourself in the mirror before leaving your house…   First off, lets start with what the fuck a “thong” is… It is a tiny piece of material for the back of your wide ass and an little tiny wider piece of material that is supposed to cover your “box”  “your bush”…”your little sweet spot”… or “your special button”… I can go on.. but I hope you got the point…

Let’s start with the part that goes on your ASS….  It doesn’t matter what type of ass you have… let’s think about this together…  You are putting on a pair of undies… or shall we say a “Thong” that the piece going up the back of your ass is as wide a band aid at best…  but it gets better… it gets wider at the top… Why???  Is it going to keep the tops of your buttocks warm???  It is a fashion statement that it rides to the top of your hips and pants today ride below them.. so we get a full on visual when you bend over of your “hot pink” buttock warmers.. climbing out the top of your jeans that are gapping in the back as you bend over and we can see the piece of “hot pink” material disappearing in what is assumed to be your Crack.. yes.. I said your Crack.. you crack head… why???  Does it “feel normal for you to have some dental floss grinding away all day long at the insides of your cheeks….  maybe it is your way of getting a dental floss wax job on the inside of your crack as it friction is slowly rubbing off the hair on your ass… Oh please… all of ya got it unless you actually shave the inside of your cheeks and that is just way too much information… So, now I have been told that you “Get Used To It”… OK, I can get used to a lot of things… I suppose you are right… I can get used to alot of things… Typically though when I am “having” to get used to something… It is because I HAVE NO OPTIONS…. not because I am into self torture…  so getting used to it… Nah, I will pass… and I am ok without my hips showing out the tops of my pants with my buttocks warmer sticking out of the tops and you looking to see where the material disappears ….

Now let’s talk about the ‘button” warmer…  OMG… please come on… the dental floss crawling up your ass is nothing to this piece of material that is so narrow for the front part that it can’t decide if it is going to “sit” firmly in the center of your “box”… ride to the left and expose and right lip or ride to the right and expose the left…  Hell it gets worse… wear jeans that are just a bit too snug and it will crawl off both lips baby and wrap itself firmly around your little button giving you the image – visual of camel toe… and a few other things a bit to  hairy and hanging out on each side that I think you have the idea of where I am going…. but Oh Wait… I will get used to it!!!  Why the fuck would I want too???  Cuz I have a hot date later and I know I am going to be getting lucky and when I pull my jeans down.. with his help… I have a lip hanging out… a button all wadded up and I need to peel the dental floss out of my crack because it is stuck to the back of my ass from not doing such a good job of wiping all day long…  Yep… I will get used to it all right…

Thongs are meant for those who think they are “something” they are not.. 18 year olds and strippers… The last time I checked and looked all ALL my girly friends… none of you fit that group and none of you should be wearing a thong… sister… embrace your ass and body and dress for comfort and not to please someone who is only going to take them down faster than you could get them on as you can’t figure out what way is the front and what way is the back… LOL… so just get the fuck over yourself sister… you don’t need a thong to be a hot mama… Real Women “Don’t” wear thongs!!!

Ciao… Sarah B…