Cell phone…cell phone… Go Away…


I was wondering just how special of a person you have to be to talk “loudly” in public on your cell phone???  Are you that important???  Or are you just that pathetic…..  After listing to your conversation that of course I and anyone within a 20 foot radius was forced to endure…  I am starting to lean a bit more in the “pathetic” direction…  I mean really…  Do you honestly think myself and everyone else needed to hear about your day???  What you ate???  What you deposited in the bathroom??? Yes, No, Yes… not sure…   Ooohhh..  not sure???  That in itself is disturbing alone…

What makes you feel so damn important that it is necessary for all of us around you to know about your life???  I really don’t care what time you pick up your kids…. I really don’t care what happened in your day… and I am fairly certain the person whose ass you are riding in line due to your pure ignorance of respect of personal space cares about the fact that your baby girl has a snotty nose and you had to stop by your mom’s house on the way home from work so you could borrow $20 bucks to buy your baby girl some stuff for her whittle stuffy nose… Hey,  I am only repeating it the way you told your friend or should I say “friends” on the other end of the phone call …  because it was quite apparent you made lots of calls….  to lots of people… I would have loved to been able to speak up and say… I don’t see any stuffy nose medicine in your basket, that look more like a bottle of ghetto cat negro white wine at $3.99 a bottle… ooh baby….  nothing like a cheap hangover… that is if one bottle will still give you a hang over.. though judging by your complexion.. I would feel safe to say NO… oh and Hell no… baby….  I am fairly certain your baby girl is home with the neighbor brat and feeling quite fine and the rest of that money will go for gas, some smokes and some drive thru off the dollar menu..  Bt you keep on a calling and talking and baby girl as my cracker ass white ghetto Auntie likes to say… you just have a good night and you give them all a call after you have taken care of that bottle… “baby girl”…  you really have the stuffy nose… and the cell phone to be important…  Real important…

Could be worse… as I experienced the other day standing in the DMV line… which brings up a very important thought.. Is there an IQ requirement to work there???  I am fucking pretty damn sure… answer is NO.. and I could go down the list of a few other govermnent agencies.. but why… I was the DMV….  they are special.. but hell, what could I say, my sorry ass was there too.. right???  Replacing some mis placed ID…the kind that losers who use their cell phones they paid for with other peoples ID’s when they help themselves to their wallets… Oh, wait… get off the soap box and trash tweakers another day.. ( mental note… trash tweakers )… LOL..  like I could forget that.. so back to DMV…where IQ’s to be employed, not required… but better yet…. if you go to a place like the DMV and are forced to endure standing in line for any period of time, you will not only observer or should I say… hear tweakerville mentioned above.. but you also get to experience “texters”… speed  texters… people whom are so engrossed in their new phone that they don’t hear tweakerville, they don’t even know that anyone or thing exists other than their phones that are color coordinated to match their personalities…  they text, they don’t ever look up…. they are texting at least 5 different people at the same time…  They don’t see you, hear you or the person in front of them.. the only reason they move is their head is bent forward looking down at the phone they are texting on and they notice the space of distance now in front of them from the person whom has moved up ahead.. these  people are truly amazing…. However, I am not sure they would be able to engage in an actual oral conversation….  they are only able to communicate thru text… so their phone makes them as important as tweakerville… but we shall call them….hmmm… I am thinking… we shall call them.. BFS Texters… that will stand for Big Fucking Special Texters…  Ahhh… my day at the grocery store and the DMV…  just doesn’t fucking get any better… now does it…  Howver, I now know how important a cell phone can make you… lol!!!  NOT….

Ciao Bella.. Bitchy Ass Sarah B…. I think I will go pour myself a glass of white ghetto wine, make a few calls and text a few people before calling it a night, so I can fit right in…

You Just Don’t Know Who You Shop With???


Have you ever just looked around at wondered what the person standing in line at the grocery store was really like?  Not like… in “hey baby” wonder what he would be like to take for a spin???  But more so, in I really wonder what this person is all about…  If you look at the items in his grocery cart… you begin to form a mental image of who this person is once they walk outside of the store… You are behind him in line for quite some time now, behind you is an equally interesting person that you have already surmised up whom and what she is all about in 12 seconds… didn’t take long, face sunken in… teeth gone, hair dyed and unkempt… With her are 3 screaming brats…  Oh please, don’t act offended… you know for a fact you have stood in line with this same person and wondered first, who the hell would fuck her and why the hell didn’t someone shut down her baby making factory after she popped out the first one…  Better yet, the first one isn’t even here with her as we all know the first one is at least 17 and one of these screaming brats in store with this person is actually her grand child… after all the cycle tends to perpetuate… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as we are told and you know, when she finally gets done saying… NO… we got.. No… you already got and no…no….no… she will give in and each child will get what they want, while she whips out that special government subsidised card to pay for it…  oh, I meant to say, that we just bought… except for that 6 pack of cheap beer ( honey – I am standing next to these kids and I am ready to crack open one of her damn beers and I don’t drink that shit ) and let’s not forget her smokes… those are paid for with bottle return coupons… The ones where she had stood out side and turned in bottles for… those pay for the special things that we don’t…

Damn, let’s back to the hottie in front of you, you have managed to keep your back turned as much as you can from the Crystal Queen behind you…  You are really starting to focus in on this cutie pie and the items  he is placing on the checkout counter in front of you.  He is cute enough, maybe 36?  34?  you don’t know, but that does make him legal..right?  Oh wait….. he has a ring on.. not on his finger.. but attached to his NOSE as well as to his penis… it is his cell phone… she is calling non stop… Yes, uh, yes dear.. I got the buns, yes, the wheat ones… ( well you think at least he eats somewhat healthy.. . Right??  )  No, they didn’t have any… yes, I got… no… OMFG…. what a pain in the ass… Shit, what he should have said is… look bitch, if you don’t think I am capable of getting the right things at the damn grocery store, perhaps you should have gotten off your bon bon mother fucking ass and came here yourself… but he doesn’t say that.. Not out-loud at least… Now you are curious…  Just what else is in his cart?  Casually you look at the items he is unloading  as you are trying to tune out Crystal who is making gumming noises over your shoulder… OMG… please go buy some teeth!!!  So, in his cart is…  diapers… toddler size…  so he has a kid, OK, who doesn’t…  buns – wheat mind you as previously verified by his better (LOL) half.. .milk, 2%.. OK, he is or she is making an effort to be somewhat healthy… OMFG..  the fucking ball and chain is calling again.. yes, no… well…  but…I thought you said.. he looks at you, then to the cashier…  The cashier is so used to this, to him it is just another inconsiderate loser that is rude enough to use his phone while at the check out counter…  OK.. after a long pause he says … I will see if they have it… But, but… I am already at the counter paying!!!  Click… it is obvious the click didn’t originate from him, but from the dick he lives with… I would say pussy, but it is clear, he is the pussy in this relationship and the tampons in the cart really should be for him and she is the penis that runs the house and wears the or should we say… his pants…

Too bad… even Crystal behind me isn’t so annoying compared to this person in front of me…  She at least is out doing what she needs to do to make it and not waiting on someone else to do it for her… proud enough to turn in bottles to feed herself and her family and proud enough to admit she needed help from us to make it… gotta admit, may not be our way, but hell, she ain’t picking up the phone pussy whipping someone to bring her bon bons… no she drug her ass out in public and faced the judgement of you and others with her head up high, while he walks with his penis tucked between his legs to keep the peace…

Hopefully when he got home, after 3 more calls and 2 more trips back thru the store isles… she was all happy happy joy joy and he got a moments peace, after he brought in the groceries, she checked each item thoroughly to make sure they are perfect, he puts them away, while she text her friends… He cooks the dinner… does the dishes, puts the screaming 2 year old to bed… because she couldn’t do it… after all she is 8 months pregnant with the next one… which means his “chain” will be there for at least 20 more years… So he should just accept that he is fucked and that he has no life or man hood left, though in his mind he is wondering why he couldn’t have hooked up with one that just woud have “swallowed”!!!

Ciao… Sarah B

Are we living in a voice challenged world…


Interesting title isn’t it… I mean, I am sure you are trying to decipher what I meant when I wrote that… seriously, do you have any idea what I am talking about… any clue… any concept… here let me help you out and give you a hint… but first in order for me to do that, I need your cell number… Why, you ask so perplexed and dumbfounded… so I can text you of course, I mean really what other way would I communicate with you other than in text???

I remember a few years back standing in the grocery or bank line or any line for that matter, where I was subjected to not only having the line move slow, but to also be forced to endure the endless and mundane cell phone conversation where I was only hearing one side of it… how fucking annoying that was… I mean, really it was as though this person felt so damn important that they had to share the conversation they were having with all of us that stood within 15 feet of them… they spewed on and on about what time they were heading out for the night, what they were buying and made arrangements to meet whomever was on the other end of the phone… while I found this to be so annoying, I also found it to be quite entertaining… so entertaining that I would listen intently to their conversation all while being an overly arrogant person myself, looking them up and down and judging them by either their over paid clothes and tanned faces, while whipping out their orchards credit card to pay for groceries… knowing that to have an orchard card meant they had marginal credit and were living beyond their means and thus the need to over indulge their clothing, tanning and worst of all…the overly informative cell phone conversation in ear range of all they could reach without being obnoxious…

Ahh… I had fun with this group…. I will say that in my life time of owning a cell phone, I have always maintained a rule to not talk on the phone in public unless an emergency or waiting for a call back about what to fucking fix for dinner that night… but my favorite is the older person using the cell phone while shopping pushing their cart into everyone because they are driving one-handed and can’t drive the cart straight… ahh… they were so fun to avoid…  however, things have changed… I no longer am able to find amusement in check out line of any given store… I no longer am given the selfish pleasure of judging those in front of me and imagining what the other person on the other end of the call looks like or is saying…  at least not in regards to their phone conversation, I still will find a way to make fun of them…. things have changed and I have changed… I still maintain my no talking on the cell phone in public unless an emergency and am eternally grateful for caller ID…so I can screen those calls whom feel they are important and I can instead return their calls…with what…you ask…

Oh please, you all know, cuz you all do it now… I will return calls without even listening to voice messages… that is another topic all together and a different blog, that one I will to this group that explains that no one listens to voice messages anymore because we all have caller ID and we know who we want to and not want to talk to at any given time… so that brings me back full circle to what do we do with those voice messages and missed calls…

We fucking text them back…  In a text we can say whatever we want, there is no indication if we are lying, annoyed or just simply busy… a text message is short and to the point… it is an easy way out… as well as a great way to communicate with multiple people at one time… it is the way things have gone… I am as guilty of this as anyone… in fact I am the mother fucking texting queen… I would rather text you than get on the phone with you and take what can or should be a 2 minute conversation and have it turn into a 25 minute conversation about something I didn’t need to talk to you about or need to you or want to or give a shit about…   However, the downside to this is 2 fold… we lose our personal contact and touch in texting and sometimes our delivery can be somewhat dry when not meant to be… however, the true downside of texting in line is that I have lost a source of entertainment… it really isn’t fun watching you text in front of me… and I am equally guilty of using the time in line to text someone to entertain myself while the slowest checker in the world is checking my out… but part of the delay and I am guilty of this is that the person texting will actually hold up the line because they need to finish their text and that takes two hands… when we used our cell phones to talk, we at least had 1 hand free and could make eye contact with the person checking us out… now when we stand in any line, our heads are all down, our thumbs moving like mad and we are content moving slower so we can finish our text conversation… and no one is talking anymore… ahh…the peace a quite at the stores…

So, are you, we and myself living in a voice challenged world… absolutely… and I love it and wouldn’t change it for anything… I want you to text me and I will text you and please don’t call me and I won’t call you… I won’t leave you a voice mail, instead if I have to call you and you do not answer, I will text you and say what I need and that will take care of that… text me baby… text me all you want… if I don’t like what you have to say, all I have to do is delete your text and then delete you…  So… text text baby…

Ciao… Sarah Texting Baby…

Sarah B…