WTF… The Zen of Saracasm.. Let Me Put A Spin On It!

Get Over Your Lame Ass

So…. recently some dumb ass sent me this email called “The Zen of Saracasm” …  Ok…so has this idiot NOT read any of Sarahs Blogs???  I mean… I may not always be “happy happy joy joy” but on the sarcasm level… I feel as though I can hold my own..  So, let’s see what the “Ball Brothers” felt the need to forward on and what I think the true response is… but for the record… I am waiting for Marvin to come back and play… I hope we didn’t scare his cracker ass off… Oh well…

Mr. BS..( this is what we shall call him, cuz he is full of shit!!! ) says…  If nobody cares you are alive… try missing a few car payments…  Sarah thinks that since Mr. BS has brought up this topic… He is about to have his car repossessed and has quit answering his phone…  If Mr.BS were smart…he would never apply for credit with “actual” addresses he uses…dumb ass.. they find you that way… you are an idiot… you deserve to lose your car!

Mr.BS says… Give a man a fish and he will eat all day…  Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day…  Sarah says…. 2 things… First…  Fish…smell’s fishy… and he should recommend his woman take a shower… Ooh… second….he sits in a boat and drinks all day???  Well…. who the fuck cares….  he clearly serves no real purpose….let him be and move on…  He doesn’t want to work and your stupid ass taught him how to fish.. so shut the fuck up and get over it!

Mr.BS says… If you lend someone $20 and never see them again… It was a pretty wise investment…  Sarah says…. You think???  In fact I bet you gave that $20 to a family member… cuz I have always heard if you need a good screw… go to family…. In fact, I have an Aunt… I have dubbed $20!  So quit your bitching, we are tired of your whining… you gave the $20! 

Dumb Ass Mr. BS says… ( this is exceptionally classic!)…. Some days you are the Bug and sometimes you are the windshield… Sarah says… you know idiot… you can’t see a fucking car coming toward you… then you deserve to be a bug… You know what that is called???  Thinning out the herd!!  And sunshine… you have just been thinned!  Ahhh… I can feel the ZEN arriving now…. yes… more air…

Oh, Mr. Bright BS says… There are two theories to arguing with a women.  Neither one will work…  Sarah says… been that long since you were laid???  Try agreeing with her and she will put out… argue with her as you continue to do… and you will keep those BB’s!

Wow….this one is good… I think… Mr. BS says… NEVER under any circumstances… take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night before going to bed…  Sarah says… hey dumb ass.. if you can’t tell you are about to have a special moment… then a sleeping pill won’t matter… you have just been fortunate enough to be awake during those times…  We know you drink and all that special shit… so quit blaming your age on your “special issues”….. ever heard the term TMI… wait… you are old… that means… slowly… ” Too Much Information”…. keep your crap to yourself!  We aren’t interested baby cakes..

OK…. This one is a stretch… Mr.. BS says… Generally speaking… you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving…  Sarah says… LOOK dumb ass… do you want a BJ or do you want to talk… make up your mind… OH..wait…  do we need some “blue” pills or would you prefer to hang out with Sarah B and have a glass of wine and think about me shutting the fuck up…

Sarah says… where is Marvin….  Mr.. BS needs to get better at this!!

Ciao Bella… Your “talking.. not blowing” Sarah B….

 The Bitch Crew

Who are we today… Lisa Bright or Lisa Dark???

You just gotta fucking love the mood swings of the average person that you interact with on a day to day basis, don’t you???  I mean really, isn’t it fun to go to work one morning and meet Lisa Bright and within 30 fucking stupid ass minutes… the ugly head of Lisa Dark appears???  Have you ever met Lisa Dark???  As  overheard a 5 year old  saying the other day while trying to lift something… Jesus H…before I shut him down..  However, he hit it right on the fucking head….Christ all mighty!!!!   Lisa Dark is a fucking pain in the ass… to me and anyone within 100 yards of them.

Lisa Dark can be in the middle of a fairly normal conversation… event… whatever and go from a “Happy Happy – Joy Joy” person to a raging “dick” or “bitch” in zero to 5.5 seconds and without cause or provocation.. I hate Lisa Dark… I don’t mean that I truly hate this individual.. but I hate how this person can ruin your day, ruin your week, make you feel like shit and be so totally completely self absorbed in themselves that they are totally unaware of the path of destruction they have just caused with a callous cruel unthinking cold ass remark or remarks… Often they feel they are typically superior to you or anyone you may be talking about or working with… Lisa Dark needs some fucking Prozac, Zoloft, Valium or any mother F’ng thing to pull their totally self absorbed head ouf of their ass and come back to earth and realize they are NOT the only person in the world…and honeslty sometimes, they just aren’t that special….  Ouch!!   They are not the only people dealing with drama, finances or life… They need to realize they have not been singled out as this particular moment in time and I really don’t want to hear about what a martyr they are…  Lisa Dark needs to go back under the red rock they crawled out from..  So, I can take a larger rock, place it on top and not allow this dreadfully miserable person to come back…

I want to deal with Lisa Bright…  However people whom allow Lisa Dark to come out, they hate Lisa Bright or the Lisa Brights of the world.. they hate them with every ounce of their beings… because they themselves are miserable people..   Lisa Bright confuse them.. even when they themselves are basically Lisa Brights… they don’t know how to handle an upbeat person or group of people whom find the positive in life even when life is at it’s worst… they do not like this… it is not in-balance with their self imposed pity party…   Lisa Brights.. instead look for good, seek good and focus on the  good.. They want to surround themselves with good and will go out of their way to do good for whomever they can, including the Lisa Darks of the world…

Oh Lisa Darks… if I could say anything to you.. it would be to open your eyes… open them wide, before it is too late.. before you push everyone and everything away… Oh Lisa Dark… what makes you so unhappy… that when you have happiness, you push hard to push it away to the point of making you and everyone that is around you miserable…   Please… Please… Put Lisa Dark away… it is only eating away at you for no reason… put it BACK under the rock it crawled out from…  You are a good person and you deserve to be a Lisa Bright and to surround yourself with others who want happiness, positives and who want to enjoy life… do not let the succubus of Lisa Dark or the Lisa Darks of the world ruin you and everything around you.. Let the light shine in… It may be be bright and  it really isn’t that bad and if it is a bit tough at first; then put on some fucking sun glasses… and get the fuck over it… because the rest of sure as hell are….

Lisa Bright…come out ….come out… wherever you are… we are waiting…

Ciao Bella Sarah B….

Lisa Dark Baby