And What’s Your Sign…


 So Baby… just what is your sign???  Ever hear that lame ass line when you are out trying to have a great evening with the girls or boys???  Or someone who is so fucking proud of their Zodiac sign that they announce it to everyone they meet like it is a badge of honor???  Well…  here is SarahsViews and interpretation of your Zodiac signs…

AQUAIRIUS    You have an inventive mind are inclined to be progressive or repressive in my opinion…  You lie a great deal…  Like you don’t already know that…  You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are “SS” we call that “super stupid”…  Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk…  I really know you are a fucking jerk and now you do too… So liar…  get over yourself…  Go invent some new shit and sell it to someone who believes it…  Oh… you already did!!!

PISCES     You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads and you think only with the head of your dick or your special box.  You are quick to reprimand, inpatient and full of advice, because it is all about you…you… and oh yeah.. YOU… Dumb ASS…  You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with…  You are a prick… Asshole… Dick… Bitch… etc… I could go on…  But you are so self-serving, you actually think I am complimenting you…  LOL!!!

ARIES     You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA, well… actually you are, because you are usually a criminal or associate with them…  You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power, LOL…that is funny, that is when your friends arent’ in jail…  You lack confidence and are a general dipshit…  But if it makes you feel better… at least you aren’t a Pisces…  whew!!!

TAURUS   You as practical and persistent as a stupid fucking fruit fly or as I like to call them a “fucker fly” that I can’t swat fast enough to get rid off…   You are a nasty pest…  You have a dogged determination and work like hell…   Oh please…  like I believe that…  Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed…  You are nothing but a god damned dick… kiss ass… suck up and oh…go wipe your nose… it appears to be covered in something brown!!!

GEMINI   You are quick and intelligent thinker…  People like you because you are bisexual…  I just think you are Bi-Polar!!!  You are inclined to expect too much for too little…  This means you are a cheap bastard…  As in cheap ass mother fucker… who buys Night Train and pours it into an expensive bottle you dug out of your neighbors recycle bin to feel better about yourself and look good to others… depends on if you are Lisa Dark or Lisa Bright today…  Gemini’s are notorious for thriving on incest…  Hey.. stay the fuck away from me!!!  You are scaring the hell out of my cat and dog… both of you… Go Away!!!

CANCER   You are sooo sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems, which makes you a fat big sucker…  One dumb ass lame… sucker…  You are always putting things off…  Because you can’t get jack shit done…  This is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a shit… Sucker…  Hey this is your sign not mine.. I didn’t make this shit up… I just found it on the internet… so it must be true…  Everyone in prison is a Cancer…  Wow…  Know anyone there???  I do…  hopefully it won’t be you…

LEO     You consider yourself a born leader…  Then you woke up in a sticky puddle…  Others think you are an idiot…   I know you are an idiot…  One arrogant mother fucker… Most Leo’s are bullies… with big heads and small heads at the same time… oops… if you are  woman… you just suck or will suck!!!  You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism…  Your arrogance is disgusting…  and yet so appealing at the same time… I am scared to admit it… Leo people are thieving mother fuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex… Wow…  that is sad…  Yet… if you take videos we can upload them onto U-Tube and make some dough.. so work it baby!!!

VIRGO    You are the logical type and hate disorder… You make the rest of us fucking nuts because you are so damn annoying and can’t shut the fuck up…and must always have the last word… Asshole!!!  Your shit picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co workers… assuming you have them…  You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking…  Whatever it is that you choose to fuck and honey… I don’t want to know… Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps…  At least you will always have job security in those industries!!!

LIBRA    You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality…  Because you are a fucking whack job…  If you are male you are probably gay…  OH well… at least someone has to bring you outta of the closet… Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil… You don’t seem surprised by that… but more surprised that we actually mentioned the word employment and you in the same sentence…  Most Libra women are whores… Again.. job security!!!   All Libras die of venereal disease…  I will pass on that one…and not be playing in your cat box or sand trap…

SCORPIO    You are the worst of the lot…  You are nothing but dirty sneaky bastards all the way…  You are shrewd in business and can not be trusted… EVER!!!   You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics…  Ethics… WTF are those???  You will screw anyone and everyone to get what YOU want…because after all , this is about you… Scorpio… they are just nothing but dirty bastards who will own your ass if you don’t watch out… You think you are the perfect son of a bitch…  Most Scorpios are murdered… and rightfully so…  You better run… hide… before they find you… cuz they are looking sweetie…

SAGITARIUS    You are optimistic and enthusiastic…  LOL… You dumb ass!!!   You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no real talent…  Oops…didn’t mean to let the cat outta the bag on that one…  you should have figured it out by the pile of shit you have lying around…The majority of Sagitarians are drunks…  Hey… nothing wrong with that…  You are a worthless piece of shit…  Oops.. outside typing fingers again!!!  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news for you…  At least you know and can plan where to buy your next bottle of booze from…

CAPRICORN    You are conservative and afraid of taking risks… That is what we in the real world call a Pansy Ass and you are basically chicken shit…  There has never been a Capricorn of any importance…  EVER…  You shall kill yourself…  Hey… again, not me…  I found it on the net… so it must be true… Please don’t breed… there no point… get over it and yourself and move on down the road… to where ever your kind goes… you really have no purpose… we call that thinning out the herd…

Ciao… One mean Scorpio Sarah B Bitch…

Sarahs Bitch Crew

You know you are a “Pansy Ass” when…


You know you are a “Pansy Ass” when your friends tell you that you whine like a little bitch starting her period… yet you are a 37-year-old man… that just simply hasn’t figured out that the lotion isn’t really working for the motion and that in order to get some… you gotta step out to go get it out… Pansy Ass…  get off the net and go out and meet a real woman or at least invest in a … oh never mind!!!

You know you are a “Pansy Ass” when you go to the gym and get on the treadmill and put it on 2.8 speed…  Hold on to the handles like you are gonna fall off… sweat like you are in the sauna and turn on the Home and Garden channel…while the Chickie Poo next to you has it on…. 6.0… is running on mile 9 and watching ESPN and dripping sweat all down her body… and all you notice is the fact that the colors on the wall of the house on TV are sooo wrong… Pansy Ass…  Hello… can you not see the sweat dripping between her cleavage???  Idiot!!!

You know you are a “Pansy Ass” when the elevator sign at work is out-of-order and you have to carry your lame ass up two flights of stairs, while trying not to spill your Starbucks Venti Mocha with extra whip cream and low fat muffin… while the person who works three floors up jaunts up the stairs past you and you are starting to pit out… Pansy Ass… get your ass to the gym!!!

You know you are a “Pansy Ass” when you would rather sit in the house all weekend long watching reruns of Will & Grace on TV instead of going outside and getting some sun on those ugly ass white legs and actually working up a sweat doing something.. because we know you aren’t gonna be doing “someone”…  Pansy Ass… get off your ass and do something…  Please.. cover those legs up!!!

You know you are a “Pansy Ass” when your wife has to go to the store to buy you some hemorrhoid medicine cuz you just can’t take the pain.. OMFG!!!!!  Are you kidding me… she squirted out a freaking thing the size of a watermelon in the morning, cleaned house that afternoon and still had to run to the store to fix your ass…. Pansy Ass… in so many ways.. I can’t even begin describe!!! 

You know you are a “Pansy Ass” when your older friends can kick your ass all over the place on the court…  they have to allow you get a basket… and have to avoid the sweat piles you are leaving so they don’t slip and fall… everywhere…  Can you say… Outta shape Pansy Ass???  Hello…they call it a “gym”… go find one!!!

You know you are a “Pansy Ass” when you think you can still go all night long and you don’t realize your partner is asleep until you wake up with her on top of you drooling across your chest and snoring… cuz your ass couldn’t be on top to do the job… OMG..that is so wrong… You are the ultimate Pansy Ass!!! 

You know you are a “Pansy Ass” when you actually think your mullet looks good with your new perm and highlights… and your gold chain, gold nugget ring and you glue a fake diamond on your front tooth…so you think you are a stud…  No you Pansy Ass…that is called having NO friends to teach you any better or NO mirror in your house… Go get some new friends, a mirror and invest $10 at Super Cuts!!! 

OK… Sarah B… typically doesn’t single out a gender.. but WTF… it fit and was fun…  I will get the women next time around, but they are sooo whiny I just couldn’t deal with them today… if you feel you have been male bashed…then I accomplished my goal for the day …. so shut up “Pansy Ass”!!!

Ciao Bella…  Sarah B… feeling a wee bit bitchy today…

Sarah is NO Pansy Ass!

The Bitch Crew