Drunk Monkeys and Fruit Flies…


Oh yeah Baby… that caught your attention didn’t it… I mean really… What on earth do “Drunk Monkeys and Fruit Flies” have in common?  I know you are wondering, questioning, thinking… pondering… fondling… wait that is another blog to be written about later… Oh sugar, let me tell you… they got a whole lot more in common than we could ever imagine…

Sweetie pie… sugar muffin…  lover lips…  gooey bear… or as a friend of my is known to say… gooey duck… Well now, have you gagged yet… I have just typing that shit and it made me wanna hurl…  that is what Sarah likes to call the cooing of a “Drunk Monkey”… I mean really, who the fuck talks that way… let alone when trying to pick up on someone… sitting down starting to have a decent conversation, add a few adult beverages to the table, of course ordered by the monkey itself, well on the way to being a drunk monkey…  It starts off well enough, he is decent looking,  dressed OK, has most of his hair, no ring on his finger…  you zero in on him… thinking, damn girlfriend, this could be your lucky night to score a good one…

The monkey makes his way up to you… you tuck your muffin top down as far as you can beneath the table top… you tug a the 2 sizes v neck shirt you have on to pull the “V” down to show off the girls… ahhh… those girls, what they wouldn’t give for a little action this evening… the monkey spots those girls… the big long wide ass cleavage bigger than an ass crack… how can he resist… he can’t, he staggers over to your table… Belt buckle all big and shiny… his pants so snug you can see the outline of the money clip in his pocket… however you are thinking to yourself…  I hope that is a money clip and not something else… you can’t take your eyes of it as he slowly, ever so slowly due to the few “cocktails” he has already had before spotting your ass crack above below your chin… wait, I am sorry, that is your cleavage and those are your girls… fuck, I will get it right… hard to tell the difference!

Now, you and he are engrossed in an in-depth conversation about the increase in the park rent where his single wide currently sits and him sharing his dream with you of moving it to some land and having some …. uh, what are those things called… oh yeah, some pigs and chickens… OMG… you are thinking, this could be the one, the night you meet the perfect one for you… you have always wanted some of those wild things in your yard for your kids to chase… OMG… better suck that muffin top in some more and now you are just resting the girls on the table, the ass crack is there for him and the rest of the bar to see…. after round 5… the monkey now on his way to being a total drunk ass monkey makes his move and reaches over and swallows your face… you are in heaven…  you let him know you want to see that single wide…  he is happy to obliged…

You both get up and you realize it may be best if you drive… he is a bit wobbly… to your Plymouth Duster you go… the nice orange one with bad breaks… the two of you… climb inside, he begins to wash your whole face with a big ass wet nasty kiss… you get that special tingle… in your little boxaroo… tonight is gonna be your night babycakes… he is telling you… sugar muffin, I am going to bury myself in those girls… you are so excited you can’t put the car in gear fast enough…

You drive to his place, getting lost 2 times because his shots of shitty ass black velvet are kicking in high gear, finally, you reach is tin tee pee, you are so excited… he opens the door and falls out of the car…you race to his side to pick him up, he falls face first in your ass crack… I mean the girls… shit, I can’t tell the difference… this makes you tingle some more… in the trailer you go… you let him lead you to his crushed velvet headboard and bed… you are so excited, you both undress… you toss yourself on the bed and he falls forward onto you… telling you he is gonna give you the … the… he is silent… you ask him…. what lover boy, what are you gonna give me… lover boy…what???  All you hear is snoring… No… No… this can’t be… this was the night, the night you were gonna give it up…the night you were gonna get rid of the fruit flies from that dried up thing… you been saving for the one…  Instead…  you are left with a Drunk Monkey and you still got your fruit flies…

Yowza baby girl… Sarah Says to fork up some cash and paid to get that thing serviced…

Ciao… Sarah B… who ain’t got no fruit flies buzzing around her…

It’s not what you know… but who you blow Baby!!!


There is an old saying in life… that often more times than not, it isn’t what you know that will get you ahead in life… but who you blow baby…  Ahh… did your mind just creep back down to the gutter when you read that first sentence???  You and I both know that it really never left the gutter…  Simply just reading that peaked your curiosity enough to urge your sleepy little peanut head to perk up…  Not that peanut head silly… that will be a blog for a different day…  that blog may get one or two minutes of my time in the future… or maybe not…   This is about how people feel the need to get ahead in life and work at any expense and absolutely no care to others around them or whom they step on or over to get to what they think is the golden apple… That sweet spot of success that many feel will give them purpose in life…

The worst of these are both men and women whom in business and life… set their sights on a goal and only know “one” way to achieve that goal… to lay down and spread em wide open or hop on and take a ride… those whom do this to achieve what they want are the amongst the most cunning and yet the most stupid around… Yes… you can sleep or blow your way to a new job or a new relationship… but you lack the substance behind it to keep it…  Once the shine wears off your little rosy cheeks… you bring nothing to either the business world or as a partner into a relationship… you have built your world around a house of sugar and spice and eventually the rain will come and melt everything away you have worked so hard with to get, not your brain,  but you chose to use your body to achieve…  However, the road back down is a hard one to swallow… as you must fall past the ones you “blew” over to get what you thought you had to have…  You made no friends getting there, so you have none on your way down… You have made a cold bed and must lie in it…  until you find the next opportunity that it is… and you will because all you know…  is how to “Blow”…

The other group that can be even more annoying, are those whom “Blow” by different means…  They are smart and cunning… and have mastered the art of manipulation on both a business and Blow...Blow... Away Babypersonal level…  They specialize in “Blowing Smoke”… up your ass to get what they want and thing they need and have no regrets or guilt about their actions… in their own little world… You are a tool and a pawn that allows them to reach the next pinnacle of success in their warped minds… These individuals are masters at beings wolves in Sheeps clothing and often it takes years to uncover or clear the “Smoke” they blew to get what they wanted…  But, the smoke does at some point clear away when a strong breeze kicks up and begins to uncover things that have been a bit hazy for those around them for a few years or even decades…  These individuals eventually end up below poverty level, with no family and or friends… yet do not recognize this as they live in a perpetual state of fog from all the years of blowing smoke to get ahead… they can not see clearly and will never accept their accountability for their actions…  They will spend all their days trying to restart the fire to get smoke going again… If you happen to find em and throw water on them… or stay upwind of these individuals…  they are a bad lot…

For the rest of us… it is about hard work, dedication and goals… set your goals far above the “Blowing” level and you will achieve far greater success in life no matter if you have nothing to your name more than these two types above…  in Sarah’s world… blowing is for candles and behind closed doors only…  If you choose to blow your way up baby… it will catch up to up you if you aren’t careful… or even if  you are…  So I want to know if you have had experiences with those who blow or if you doing the blowing… please let me know…

Ciao Bella… Sarah B…