Sarahs Views on the World

Tag Archives: satire


bad_cat_1a

Bad Cat by Greg HergerT

Sunday, a fun day???  Where are on earth did they come up with that idea… last time I checked, my Sunday is spent washing, cleaning, and running errands for ungrateful Furballs… Yes, those hairy, conniving, fingerless, mewing, theiving little Fat Furballs... that demand to be fed, petted and tons of food…  where on earth do these evil little creatures come from and how did I become their servant???

One day it was just me, with all the freedom to do whatever I wanted on any given Sunday, then one showed up, with her snaggletooth and muddy little fur, with big pitiful eyes, with a whisper soft meow that said… Please feed me… how could I resist… so feed her I did, her fur began to clean up, her pitiful eyes turn to love, when I would place food out for her, then one day she came in the house, then one night she took over the bed, leaving me half the bed to sleep on, but I didn’t mind, she needed a home…

winkie_2a (1)

Winkie Cat by Greg Hergert

Then one morning, there was another, he was young and a big ole scaredy cat… with a slight limp, he would run when I would place food out for him, then as I close the door he would run up and gobble it all down… 4 weeks later, he took over the couch when I turned on the TV forcing me to the chair… greedy little bastard… soon I was left with a quarter of the bed, one on each side squeezing me in middle… walking across me in the middle of the night to swap sides…

compassion_cat_1a

Compassion Cat by Greg Hergert

Yesterday, I noticed there was another on on the back porch… homeless I am sure of, due to her soulful mewing, lowered head and scruffy fur… I don’t know how long it will take for this one to take the remainder of the bed, but I guess I will just prepare to move to the spare room and leave these 3 loving, funny, demanding sweet peas to have the master suite as they do own the house and rule the kingdom and I am just a Furball servant…

Ciao…Sarah 

Salute_1a_web

Alien Salute by Greg Hergert

Ali

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My balls of fire...

My balls of fire…

If I Only Had Balls… Wait, I Do… They were yours!!!  You left them in the middle of our conversation…right there, on the floor, as scurried out of the room in the middle of a slightly challenging conversation… yup, you turned and you bolted… like a flash of lightening… boom… you were gone and on the floor in the dust were your balls…oh… I meant to say, my balls…

Oh yeah, that’s right, you dropped, you ran and so guess what… I took…  they are now mine…  I think I shall hang them from my rear view mirror so every time I am in the car, I can be reminded that I have big balls… bigger than yours, wait, that’s right, they are yours… but guess what, they are mine…  In fact, all my female friends have a set just like these hanging from their rear view mirrors, a few of them use them for a key chain… yup… that’s right, balls on chain…

No take backs allowed, you left them up for grabs and now they are mine… once I give them a great work out and show them how they are really to be used and what they are capable of and their full potential…and not left on the side lines…then perhaps I will return them… if you think you can finally use them… and better yet, know what to do with them… till then… I will take are of business…

Ciao Bella…

Sarah…

Ball Buster

Ball Buster



Aspire to be Barbie – the bitch has everything…  Sarah says… boy does that bitch really does have everything, come on sister.. she’s got a play house, a Barbie mobile and best of all  a Ken dude that is made of plastic and hard, that she controls… and wow… I guess she does have everything, except batteries to keep Ken going…

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always…  Sarah says… Oh Baby cakes… Really, you didn’t know her first name was Ms.. not Miss Always… cuz now your ass is married and that makes your first name… Yes Dear…

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell…  Sarah say… Uh, really?  Do you think… what was your first clue???  Your day at the office???

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company…  Sarah says… well where do you wanna be… in the sunshine with you know… those types… or in the heat with your friends, sipping cocktails by the pool…watching the pool boy… who you know… screwed up too and ended up here servicing you… tough choice… but I a prone to the heat…

Why should we take advice on sex from the Pope?  If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!  Sarah says…  well she doesn’t want to step on toes… but come on… does it get any clearer that statement… and who is the Pope and exactly what does he does for a living… not quite sure on that and why has he never had sex???

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me…  Sarah says… LOL.. the true definition of religion… better to ask for forgiveness than permission…

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.  Sarah says… And your point??

He is a self-made man and worships his creator…  Sarah says.. Hey dude.. why does it need to be all about man and his creator… you self righteous bastard… don’t you know we made you… or I guess the correct term is own you…

When life gets you down – just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.  Sarah says… put em on sister, you lame whiny ass bitches are giving the rest of us a bad name, so shut, buck up and do the job like the rest of us…

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.   Did Sarah here the words I do in this statement???

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants… Sarah says, Italian food is the best she has ever had… yum yum…

The National Rifle Association says, ‘Guns don’t kill people. People do’. But I think the gun helps.  Sarah says… no comment because common sense and not politics tells you this is a true statement and leave it at that…  because one thing Sarah has learned… is common sense really doesn’t matter…

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.   Sarah says… WTF… have you been listening to my phone calls lately???

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.  Sarah says… What???

Today is the last day of some of your life.   Sarah says… Wow… Really, that is the best you can come up with… dumb ass…

Ciao Bella… bite me… Sarah…



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