Oh my… It looks as though I can fly…


 

Fly Fly Fly...

Fly Fly Fly…

I am sooo not sure when this happened, I mean… WTF… I swear last month, this was not the case… I am not even sure whose body this is anymore…  In my mind I am still a size 4… in the mirror though it appears I am in a fun house and someone has added the digit number 1 in front of my 4… I repeat… WTF…  4 or 14…which is it???

I am certain last night when I went to sleep in my normal pj’s that I have worn for a few years that I was a size 4… OK..maybe I was pushing a size 6… well… maybe I am fudging abit… it may be a comfy size 8ish to 10???  Maybe, but not a 1 and 4!!!  I know these pj’s are a tad bit snug around the mid driff… well… OK… maybe I have been squirming at night because they are leaving a ring around the waist line… but that is just water weight from too much salt… too much wine… and oh yeah, don’t forget the block of cheese I consumed this past week… but it was soooo good and I needed to get it out of the house so I would not eat anymore of it…  I know it would be a true sin of the holy spirit who made me a 14 to throw it a way…. NO… that would have been sacrilegious…  SO… I ate it all… I was saving myself…

Now as I stand in front of this mirror and as I pick up my once firm breast and position them where they should go… you know… making them pointers instead of setters with the assist of my hands underneath… I noticed something more frightening than that… causing me to drop them and hold my arms straight out to my sides and roll them in circles as we did in PE class many many decades ago… as I did this.. they swung too and fro…the undersides of my once tight taught arms… they now have grown… like my ears and nose… they continue to grow…

Now… they look like I could take off any moment… in mid-flight… so this is how it goes…as we near the time of our passing and leaving this odd place we call earth… we women are granted the gift to fly to the light above while the men are left to wait for some female to come and drag their asses to the light.. ah… I see how this aging process is going…   However, thank the heavenly things above us for inventing cosmetic surgery… because I ain’t no fucking flying squirrel, bat or bird… no I am here to stay and as long as I have money…this bitch ain’t flying nowhere… but perhaps I better get rid of the cheese…wine…and so forth … now you go…  you go fly away… beat it… thsi bitch is going on a liquid diet…what type I will never tell… but I am sure I will be too drunk to fly anywhere…

Ciao… bella… Sarah the flying squirrel … on her way to meet the trainer to get her ass kicked…

work it bitch

 

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When Church Can Be An Unpleasant…


Ahh… I knew that would get your attention… didn’t it???  Such a hot topic to everyone and anyone that either does or does not embrace Religion…   When Church becomes a “dirty” word is due to both groups that lie on opposite sides of the topic…  The topic really isn’t Church per say… as it is Religion…  It is the different views and interpretations by individuals as well as a lack of acceptance that others can embrace an opinion or belief system that is different from theirs…  This is where the true nastiness of the topic originates from…  Not Church or Religion… but mostly about the arrogance and ignorance…  lack of compassion, understanding and acceptances toward others…  The superiority complex they feel above others…  They truly are insecure and must find acceptance in those who also share the same beliefs and insecurities… together as a group they become a flock of sheep, they draw upon the fears of their peers for strength and convictions…  ahh.. all in the name of god… their god, that is…

The pure arrogance that this group feels that they or shall I say their religion can be far superior to anyone  elses other than their own… is truly nothing more than pure ignorance, even more so than arrogance… though the two can often be easily confused…  This group believes they are “the top dogs” in the eyes of god and speak on a regular basis to him  daily…  of course… I am going to assume, they refer to their god as a him…  as it would be beyond their capacity to think that a book of stories rewritten over and over to conform (ahh.. how I detest that word)  to each Church or Religion…   One theme typically remains constant… their god… whom they spew upon the rest of us… their thoughts of the subject… is always a man… not that I personally give a shit if they follow a man or a woman… the common theme for me… is they are following something and that makes them followers… unable to think without being told… yet to have the comfort of their god to fall back on when they do step out of line with the others… they can always use the get outta jail free card above to forgive them for what they perceive to be as sins…. always living to please and ask for acceptance and forgiveness… hell honey, you might as well get a good blow job or a lickity split in the mean time… cuz god will forgive you till next week…

While I clearly do not hide my distaste in the actions of this group above. .. I do however accept openly that they can choose to believe what ever they want to, as it is their right and while I may openly trash that belief system… I do at the same time respect it… as it is their choice not mine… the group on the other side of the fence can be equally as damning… The non believers who profess that there is nothing spiritual in this world and scream that they will not participate in a Church or Religion… They wear their badge of non god as predominately as those listed above…  What I must question is… Is that, this group of non believers,  to me  they seem at times to be as fucking ignorant and arrogant as the sheep of god above…  This group, is so proud to not believe in anything that they too have become over zealous with their beliefs and must feel the need to debate the topic whenever they hear the word Church or Religion…  to shove down the throat of the believers why they are far superior that the believers for following their god… Does this not make the Non Believer the same as the Believers???  Do they not belong to a special peer group???  May they be considered the “Black Sheep” of society, family or friends… but does that not also make them a pack of sheep… following a belief system… one not of religion but instead deeply rooted in the belief of non religion and the non-existence of god… are they not also spewing the same thing… just from a different platform???  Seems to me they are their own religion… Baaa…Baaa… Black Sheep…

I guess I can close this out with my own views… you have the option to not care, listen or agree… as it is the same stance I take when I hear yours… the one thing I do not want to do… is to shove my thoughts down your throat and I ask the same of you… I feel that the world is a large place… and all people “are” created equal…Sorry to burst your bubble there baby… We are all have our own vices, flaws and hiccups… it is the life experiences that make us whom we are… our minds are strong powerful tools that can make us or break us… I believe the world needs sheep and both types ….in addition,  the world needs free thinkers whom are able to make  choices of their own minds… you can not escape the impact of religion no matter where you look… I believe everyone has the right to believe what they want, to be who they are, want to be and can be and should not let religion or others stop them from being who they truly should be… you should not pass judgment on those who are different or have different beliefs… If we all followed the same flock of crap… what a boring world this would be…  Those are SarahsViews on Church… it is a dirty word…  and while I enjoy making fun of life… and what I see… I do think… we need all types in this world to make it work… and beside…if we didn’t, where the hell would I get my topics from… You kittens???

Ciao Bella… a non PC Sarah B…

What’s Your Speed Limit…


Purr...My engine is all rev'd up!!!

Purr…My engine is all rev’d up!!!

So baby… what’s your speed limit???  Are you someone who drives slow and steady at 35 miles per hours… do you like the nice even pace of being middle of road, giving you ample time to avoid any road blocks ahead… foot steady on the gas pedal ready to brake at any moment???

Is your speed limit 35 but you like to drop down to 25 miles per hour… hang out in the really slow lane, looking for some excitement…ready to put your pedal down hard so you  can take off lightening fast… if someone in the 25 mile per hour lane catches up to you and sparks your attention???  Do you slow back down to let them catch up to you???  Gently tap your brake lights to get their attention… you all wanting to drive 35 but wanting to play in the 25 mile per hour lane…

If driving under the speed limit isn’t really your thing, are you someone who likes to chances and rev up your night and push full steam ahead and press your petal down hard and hit the fast lane, are you someone who loves to tempt fate and risk the twist and turns of the fast lane, lives to enjoy speeding up to the next stop sign, look around and see who is next to you… see if you can catch them as the race away… you and all your 35 mile per hour wanting to chase that 45 mile per hour person… you are ready for the chase and you to win the race…

Remember…whatever lane you choose to drive in… there are always gonna be some speed bumps ahead when you least expect it… ready to blow a tire… pop your airbags sooner than you expected…  whatever lane you like to drive or shall I say play in… remember slow it way down back baby… buckle up or as a wise ole gal I know says… you better click it or get a ticket… drive safe… stay in your own fucking lane…

Ciao Bella …  Sarah B… playing it safe at 35…

Where the hell is my driver???

Where the hell is my driver???

If I Only Had Balls… Wait, I Do…


My balls of fire...

My balls of fire…

If I Only Had Balls… Wait, I Do… They were yours!!!  You left them in the middle of our conversation…right there, on the floor, as scurried out of the room in the middle of a slightly challenging conversation… yup, you turned and you bolted… like a flash of lightening… boom… you were gone and on the floor in the dust were your balls…oh… I meant to say, my balls…

Oh yeah, that’s right, you dropped, you ran and so guess what… I took…  they are now mine…  I think I shall hang them from my rear view mirror so every time I am in the car, I can be reminded that I have big balls… bigger than yours, wait, that’s right, they are yours… but guess what, they are mine…  In fact, all my female friends have a set just like these hanging from their rear view mirrors, a few of them use them for a key chain… yup… that’s right, balls on chain…

No take backs allowed, you left them up for grabs and now they are mine… once I give them a great work out and show them how they are really to be used and what they are capable of and their full potential…and not left on the side lines…then perhaps I will return them… if you think you can finally use them… and better yet, know what to do with them… till then… I will take are of business…

Ciao Bella…

Sarah…

Ball Buster

Ball Buster

Happy Birthday To Me… Happy Birthday To Me???


Joy oh Joy… the joyous gifts that we as women are given on our birthdays…  You know what birthday I mean, correct, the one that start the next cycle of our lives… oh what a fun journey this next cycle will be… Humph!!!

I guess using the term, gift and cycle in the same paragraph is miss leading, on this birthday, my cycle decided to give me a little more than normal, it decided to hang around awhile, hmmm, I muttered to myself… well that is odd, haven’t had this issue before, in the back of my mind, I was in denial as to what this could potentially mean, perhaps, I am just having an odd month, you know, lots of stress, maybe not enough exercise or better yet, I decided it was from not enough sex… determining this to be the case, I made mental note to attack my other half upon the moment he entered the door when he came home…  that would fix this extra birthday gift and make it go away…

After repeatedly using this approach, one evening, while dozing, I began to notice that the room had become extremely…shall we say… a freaking blazing inferno….oh my freaking god… Please get this sea of blankets off of me know… I struggle to get my leg out of the blanket all while managing to piss off our cat at the foot of the bed, begrudgingly, he spat at me, showing me his annoyance and he moved over to my husbands side of the bed, what the hell…  did we leave the heat on ultra high before going to bed earlier, I struggled to remember, no, I know we didn’t, wow…one let out is not going to do the trick, I wondered what I was thinking when I wore a tee shirt and sleeping bottoms, they were now stuck to me, a bit damp I was… second leg out… what is that trickling between my breast is that water???  Did the cat piss on me because I woke him up… now struggling to fully waken myself, I see the fur ball snuggled close to my husband, he has not pissed on me, why am I wet???  Crap… I am freaking burning up, my hair is damp… I toss all the covers fully off of me, throwing them onto my husband, I am sure I have fever and to have one this high, I must be close to death… surely there is no other reason to be this warm…  do I have food poisoning???  Why am I sweating…   crap… I began to realize I am cold… damn, give me those covers back and I want them now… I grab them off my husband and take a few of his at the same time… I prepare myself for a bad case of the flue tomorrow morning, because I know to have this type of fever, means that I will be hugging the porcelain bowl and not want to be far from it, I am sure of this…  I doze and go back to a sound sleep, when I wake, I am fine, other than when I went to bed, I had straight hair and in my rage of sweat, I must have gotten my hair wet and it is now curly and fuzzy… nice, what a beauty I am as I look in the mirror…  funny though I don’t feel sick…

It was 3 nights later, I repeated this pattern and after a few more weeks of the on and off switch with my body’s thermostat, I began to self diagnose, because somewhere in the back of my mind…  a little voice was saying… you know, that was a very significant number you just hit on your birthday… right???

About 2 months later as I was at work, I was talking to a co worker, while sitting at my desk, I began to notice that I was starting to get hot, the hair on the back of my neck felt like a heavy wool coat!!!  I looked at my co worker as I began to feel like perspiration on my upper lip… I asked him the only thing I could think of… is it HOT in here…. Or it is just me???  He looks at me and says nope, it is actually a bit cool in here today… Damn… I was so afraid that is what he would say…  shall we say going forward, for the next 2 months, I learned to dress in layers in the dead of winter and a pony tail became my hair style of choice, I began to understand why so many women as they got older chose short  hair…   I began to wonder if maybe, just maybe I could possibly, you know.. Me entering.. that M stage of my life…  This would require research…

With Google as a girl’s best friend and my husband asleep, I crept to our home office and plugged in the M word in search bar… I read all about it, when it starts, what the symptoms were.. fuck.. I had almost all of them… denial has been my friend, years of taking care of my body, eating healthy, exercising… and it has betrayed me… damn body, in my mind that meant I could betray it back… I lay in bed, partially covered prepared for the heat wave, one leg out, our cat had learned it was safer to sleep next to my husband than potentially risk being kicked awake every few nights… I decided I would sleep on it…

In the morning, I went to the health food store and bought all the natural remedies I could find… after 3 weeks, I realized I had just simply donated hard earned money and still continued to dress in layers and had now resorted to 2 fans on the side of my bed… it became all too clear… it was time to see a DR… it had been a few years, kids were grown.. life was full, so hadn’t taken the time to visit the lay down and spread em doctor…

When I called to make an appointment, I found she had moved to a new state… they said they would set me up with a new DR, a male doctor… I said no thank you, I didn’t want to explain this man… how would he understand…  So, I did the next best thing.. I went to my girlfriend, who was a few years older than myself…  I met her for wine and we talked and I explained the past several months’ events and she was all to sympathetic, letting me know that her time has started a few years ago.. she had opted for the natural way though and could not refer me to a doctor… was she fucking nuts… who would opt for natural when after I realized my natural approach didn’t work, I had crept back to the office one night and with google as my friend and no longer in denial, I searched.. .menopause and how the fuck to make the symptoms go away…

She offered to ask several of her girlfriends for a referral for me… I thanked her and we finished our girls catch up time and wine and we headed our separate ways for the evening… As I got to the work the next morning, I turned on my computer and went to check my email and true to form, my friend had sent out an email that read…  My first and last name has started having hot flashes and is looking for a gynecologist can anyone refer her to one… now everyone knew… I didn’t know to say… so I closed my email… put my hair in a ponytail, removed my first layer… and went to work.. at lunch I opened back up my email and there we numerous emails from friends of our age group that had replied with referrals and shared stories of misery that made me laugh… seems I was not alone in this and that I had entered a new cycle of my life with this birthday that brought me to a new sisterhood, an odd way to bond, but a nice way to start a new chapter… next week, I shall meet my new DR that is referred by many of the women on the email chain and if this DR knows what is good for her and she wants to leave the office in one piece, I will leave her office with a prescription to make me go back to normal…  Happy Birthday to me…

Ciao Bella… a Pissed Off Sarah…

Interesting Quotes And Their True Meanings…


Aspire to be Barbie – the bitch has everything…  Sarah says… boy does that bitch really does have everything, come on sister.. she’s got a play house, a Barbie mobile and best of all  a Ken dude that is made of plastic and hard, that she controls… and wow… I guess she does have everything, except batteries to keep Ken going…

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always…  Sarah says… Oh Baby cakes… Really, you didn’t know her first name was Ms.. not Miss Always… cuz now your ass is married and that makes your first name… Yes Dear…

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell…  Sarah say… Uh, really?  Do you think… what was your first clue???  Your day at the office???

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company…  Sarah says… well where do you wanna be… in the sunshine with you know… those types… or in the heat with your friends, sipping cocktails by the pool…watching the pool boy… who you know… screwed up too and ended up here servicing you… tough choice… but I a prone to the heat…

Why should we take advice on sex from the Pope?  If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!  Sarah says…  well she doesn’t want to step on toes… but come on… does it get any clearer that statement… and who is the Pope and exactly what does he does for a living… not quite sure on that and why has he never had sex???

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me…  Sarah says… LOL.. the true definition of religion… better to ask for forgiveness than permission…

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.  Sarah says… And your point??

He is a self-made man and worships his creator…  Sarah says.. Hey dude.. why does it need to be all about man and his creator… you self righteous bastard… don’t you know we made you… or I guess the correct term is own you…

When life gets you down – just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.  Sarah says… put em on sister, you lame whiny ass bitches are giving the rest of us a bad name, so shut, buck up and do the job like the rest of us…

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.   Did Sarah here the words I do in this statement???

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants… Sarah says, Italian food is the best she has ever had… yum yum…

The National Rifle Association says, ‘Guns don’t kill people. People do’. But I think the gun helps.  Sarah says… no comment because common sense and not politics tells you this is a true statement and leave it at that…  because one thing Sarah has learned… is common sense really doesn’t matter…

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.   Sarah says… WTF… have you been listening to my phone calls lately???

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.  Sarah says… What???

Today is the last day of some of your life.   Sarah says… Wow… Really, that is the best you can come up with… dumb ass…

Ciao Bella… bite me… Sarah…